Miraculous ElderHaus Magically Cures Whatever Ails You

April 1st, 2015 | by Johnnny
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ElderHaus to be torn down.

Moorhead, MN – It’s the oldest building in the motley city of Moorhead.

Known as just ElderHaus, everyone who’s ever stayed there claims it has magical powers to rid one’s body and mind of all sorts of ailments and afflictions.

Housemother Rigletta Azmoff has hosted ElderHaus for the last forty years.

“People seeking a cure to a wide range of physical and mental problems need only spend one night sleeping in ElderHaus. They usually pay whatever they can afford. Guests then simply go to bed and wake up feeling 100% fantastic! I’ve seen ElderHaus help with everything from Assburger Syndrome to Phlebitis.”

Unfortunately, ElderHaus will have to be demolished later this year due to a legal loophole in the Unaffordable Care Act.

Federal Regulator Ivan Nashtikov admits it’s too bad that the old building has to be razed but “the law’s the law.”

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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)