Tag Archives: algebra

Mars Rover Discovers Relatively Intelligent Life

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Mars, Milky Way – Even though scientists have now officially discovered life on Mars, they are admittedly a bit underwhelmed by the fact that it’s just some lichens.

However, top Mars lichenologist Dr. Charles Nim says: “We are lichen what we’re seeing with this Mars rover!”

Dr. Nim notes that it’s quite amazing that we’ve now found a mutualistic relationship of algae and fungi living and breathing on the Red Planet, but trying to communicate with it has so far been a challenge.

“These lichens are forming themselves into the shape of a human brain to supposedly better communicate with us,” the Nimster explains.

Using lichenometry, the orange lichen colony appears to be about 54 million years old but doesn’t look a day over 50 million years.

Going forward, Dr. Charles Nim shared this final thought: “We are lichen our chops to find our more about this life that we have discovered on Mars!”

As you might expect, all the letters in Charles Nim can re-arrange into: Mars Lichen!

Area Teen Disgusted That Substitute Teacher Isn’t Hot

West Fargo, ND—A West Fargo Middle School junior has voiced his displeasure over the alleged unfavorable physical characteristics of today’s substitute algebra teacher, Mrs. Jonisbarnmeister.

Substitute teacher Qonchy Jonisbarnmeister, at best a 3 out of 10, caught the ire of Nodd Winnials, 17, during this morning’s roll call. Winnials could be heard scoffing and making obvious fart noises as Mrs. Jonisbarnmeister recited names and when Jonisbarnmeister called out his name for roll, Winnials hastily interrupted her with a loud belching sound.

Eyewitness reports also confirm that Winnials then began slandering the substitute teacher under his breath, using carefully-crafted one-liners such as:

“Is that where the NDSU Bison got their logo?”

“Jonisbarnmeister? More like UGLYbarnMISTER.”

“Hey, who let ManBearPig out of its cage?”

“I have now decided my purpose in this life. I hereby declare that my singular reason for existence, now and forever, is to systematically eradicate undesirable humans from the face of this planet. I swear to the Gods I shall uphold this declaration or absolutely and without complaint, die trying.”

First period algebra ended without incident.