Tag Archives: cemetery

The Cemetery Is Good Place For Trick Or Treaters

Leave a reply

When trick or treating, don’t forget the cemetery.

Fargo, ND – Dr. Headstone of the Halloween Educational Literary Library Organization (HELLO) is reminding children who want to have a full trick or treating experience to not forget to take a slow walk through the local cemetery.

“It is often the last place one thinks of but is really the first place you ought to go when seeking to enjoy a genuine, old-fashioned, Halloween fright night,” opines Dr. Headstone whilst puffing on his old bone pipe.

Dr. Headstone reminds us that Halloween is more than putting on a Trump mask and compiling copious amounts of candy.

“It is the one holiday we have that truly commemorates the dead, and how better to do that than by taking a nice, long, spooky stroll through a foggy cemetery.”

FM Observer To Sponsor Park Wood Cemetery Renovation

Leave a reply
Humor in death

Strategic Brand Placement

Fargo, ND – The north wing of Park Wood Cemetery in Fargo has been in dire need of a facelift for quite some time. Tombs are moldy, crypts are dungy and the rats have colonized a functioning village. This has led the city to seek an overhaul of this historic burial site.

Today, via a no-so-generous grant made to the Graveyard Committee, we are proud to announce that many of this graveyard’s deceased will be eternally housed behind a new moniker!

strategic brand placement

Personalized tombstones! Choose from one of our many style types. We’ll come up with a catchy epitaph for your loved ones to chuckle at when they come to visit. “Yeah, that Gacky…life really did kill him to death, ha ha. It sure was nice of FM Observer to sponsor his burial. What a terrific satirical news agency they are, ya you betcha.”

Park Wood Cemetery (in association with the Death Task Force) has partnered with brand pioneers FM Observer® for a sponsored renovation agreement.

In exchange for our donation, Park Wood is allowing strategic brand placement in its north wing. After the renovation, you will see our brand and our slogan obscenely adorning gates and stone engravings because we, like many corporations, love to publish our brand in places where it really doesn’t need to be.

In accordance with this deal, FM Observer is allotted numerous personal Brand Actuality Agreements. You can have the FM Observer logo or slogan engraved onto your tombstone, crypt, headstone or mausoleum. And why stop there! We’d be glad to emboss your coffin with a glossy graphic or etch one of our catch phrases into your urn after cremation.

Email us at fmobserver@gmail.com for posthumous sponsorship arrangements.

These Are The Wasps That Killed The FM Observer

Leave a reply
Bee on the lookout for these dangerous wasps, because they're the ones that killed us.

Bee on the lookout for these dangerous wasps, because they’re the ones that killed us.

West Fargo, ND – As you know, your beloved FM Observer was allegedly attacked by a gang of wasps. Not only did they attack us, but they stung us many, many times, and then they killed us.

We did not want this to happen. Nor did we provoke the wasps in any way, except maybe to smash their stupid hive with a wooden baseball bat.

Bee that as it may, we did not deserve to die, and especially just when things were starting to really take off. But please do continue to check in with the FM Observer, your favorite source of the best fake news in the region.

After all, the phoenix did rise from the ashes to become the mascot for the Phoenix Suns basketball team, didn’t she? Tiger Woods did return to golf after he totally disgraced both himself and the entire sport of golf.

And after a rocky beginning, Obamacare did successfully cause millions of people to lose the insurance plans and doctors they loved, and then, under threat of penalty, force them to purchase nationalized health insurance.

So, after the stroke of midnight tonight, hope for the best (for us), but plan to expect some government robo-writers to have taken our place in the morning.

Corpses Exhumed Due to Salmonella Recall

Leave a reply

Fargo, ND – A complete idiot at the Food and Drug Administration’s Fargo branch mis-typed a recall order yesterday which resulted in dead bodies being exhumed at Riverside Cemetery in South Fargo. The dumbass, having heard of the Nesquik salmonella recall, engaged the recall crew with an emergency bulletin:

::SALMONELLA RECALL. PLEASE REMOVE ALL SALMONELLA::

Crews sprang to action by heading to the nearest cemetery to recall as many salmonella deaths as possible in the time allotted. Graves were dug up and crusty old body parts were flung all over the place during the frantic search. The bumbling FDA grave-robbers didn’t know exactly who they were looking for; only that they were told to recall the salmonella.

This move is being deemed a colossal blunder on the FDA’s part. Loved ones of the dead, having heard of this desecration of their friends’ and relatives’ graves, are expected to file swift legal action.