Lord of the Dorks
Fargo, ND – Local costume stores are reporting record sales for Halloween this year.
Top sellers include perennial favorites such as Spiderman, Snow White, and Satan, along with the usual Obama masks and kitten ears.
However, the most popular costume for Halloween 2014 is the “Gandalf”, which is flying off shelves like a wizard heading to Mordor on a giant eagle.
The FMO hit the streets to find out more.
SpookyWorld clerk, Wyatt Orcmann described the run on Gandalf costumes as “insane, dude”.
FMO: Can you expand on that?
WO: Well, like, it’s been crazy.
FMO: Yeah, we know what insane means. What’s been happening in your store?
WO: Dude, it’s like every dork in a thousand mile radio is dressing up for Halloween this year. If I have to hear “This is gonna be epic!” one more time I think I’m gonna go Ray Rice on somebody. Don’t tell my boss I said that.
FMO: Is it unusual for so many dorks to buy costumes?
WO: Yyyeeeeaaaaahhhh. Usually they just sit at home and videochat with their little chess buddies or something. Now they’re all up in my face saying crap like “Speak, friend, and enter” and “You shall not PASS!” Whatever, dude, like, go back to Hobbit Town or something, you little freak.
FMO: Interesting.
WO: Yeah, and then they get their stupid capes and wizard hats and they’re all like, “Run, you fools!” and I’m just like, good luck with your awesome college careers and great jobs someday, you little Frodo Bilbos or whatever. Seriously, man, what a bunch of dorks.
FMO: Right, dorks, got it. Well, thanks for the info, Wyatt. And Happy Halloween.
WO: Whatever, dude. I’m gonna go chill in my mom’s basement.
