Tag Archives: getting high

Merge Fargo North High With Fargo South High To Make: Fargo Mega-High School

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Merging Fargo North High and Fargo South High into Fargo Mega-High School!

Fargo Central, ND – While some change orgs are petitioning to merge South and North Dakotas into one MegaKota, others believe it’s time to merge Fargo’s two original high schools back together again.

The person petitioning for this change is Maga Gehrig-Hof: “So yeah, we think this is just really a great idea, and we are hoping it like grows wings, and begins to fly, like really high into the sky?”

Ironically, Maga’s grand-parents attended the old Fargo Central High School which was sadly split into bi-polar North and South twins.

Double ironically, all of the letters in Maga Gehrig-Hof can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Fargo Mega High!

Fargo Boy Holding Helium Balloons Now Somewhere Over Michigan

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Parents: “If only he would have let go right away, maby we wouldn’t have lost our baby.”

(Somewhere over) Flint, Michigan – While playing with a bunch of helium balloons in the backyard, seven year old Tommy Sauerson decided to grab “just a few more”.

As the second-grader from Fargo’s Heritage Lower Skool began to lift off the ground, his parents were too busy making videos of Tommy with their smartphones to realize what was going on before it was too late.

By the time Tommy’s parents started to yell instructions to let go of the balloons, Tommy was already higher than their weeping willow tree.

Military radar has been tracking Tommy, who was last seen still holding onto his bunch of balloons, somewhere over Flint, Michigan.

Mrs. Sauerson rapped: “It all happened so fast. Now it’s in the past. How long will this last?”

Aesop’s moral to the story: You’ll lose touch with your kids if they start getting high at too early of an age.

Youngsters Drinking Coffee A Disturbing New Trend

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Maybe your kids are drinking coffee!

Maybe your kids are drinking coffee!

Fargo, ND – In what many parents are seeing as a disturbing new trend, a growing number of very young children are drinking cups of coffee to get that “high school” feeling.

Fargo police have been secretly watching children as young as kindergartners and first graders going into an unsuspecting Walmart store and buying a Mr. Coffee machine.

Some undercover police officers have actually reported watching “small groups of little kids congregate in garages while the parents are gone and hosting wild coffee drinking parties”.

If your young children are acting strange, carefully watch for signs of coffee usage.

Please report any of these tell-tail signs immediately to the police: missing coffee, hyperactivity, dilated pupils, excessive talking, coffee-stained teeth, Mr. Coffee machines, or used coffee filters and coffee cups in the garage.

flying_baby

I Was Gonna Take My Baby Off The Roof Of My Car……But Then I Got High.

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Phoenix, AZ – Some shocking news this past week.  Catalina Clouser, 19, is facing driving and child abuse charges after her one-month-old baby fell off the roof of her car while driving away, forgetting she had put the little munchkin there.  What’s shocking is this DID NOT happen in Florida.  I know, crazy right?

Once she got home, she finally got inside and thought to herself, “the fuck is my baby?”  Upon realizing that her baby just got the ride of it’s life, she drove back to 45th Avenue and Chollas and was greeted by police who had recovered her child.  We’ve heard about people strapping their grandmothers or mother-in-laws to the roof of their cars but never a little child.  Jesus, what was she thinking!?

One lucky witness was on his way to work when he said he saw a flying baby in a car seat flying through the air.  I mean, how f’in cool would it be to see that?!  That man just won the lottery.

 

In tribute to Catalina Clouser, I have changed some of the lyrics to Afroman’s – Because I Got High song.

 

Catalina Clouser – Because I Got High

It’s Like, I don’t care about nothin man,
roll another blunt, Yea (ohh ohh ohh),

La da da da da da La, Da Daaa,
La da da da, La da da da, La da da daaa

I was gonna take my child off the roof of my car until I got high
I was gonna put him in the back seat but then I got high
my baby flew off the roof my car and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
– cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna try to not kill my kid before I got high
I coulda remembered I actually gave birth to a child but I got high
(La da da da da da da da da)
I am taking a couple hours off from parenting and I know why, (why man?) yea heyy,
– cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna go home with my little child but then I got high
I remembered I lefty my baby on the roof of my car but I got high
now I’m driving around looking for my baby and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,
– cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna go to court before I got high
I was gonna pay to get my child back then I got high
they took my child away and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,
– cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I messed up my entire life because I got high
I lost my kid because I got high
now I’m sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
– cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I’m gonna stop singing this song because I’m high
I’m singing this whole thing wrong because I’m high
and if I dont sell one copy I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
– cause I’m high [repeat 3X]

La da da da da da, La da da da, Shoop shooby doo wop.

Get jiggy wit it, skibbidy bee bop diddy do wahhh

– cause I’m high [repeat 3X]