Tag Archives: government cheese

FEMA Cot Ready For Hurricane Florence

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This government cot is ready to help.

Fort Bragg, NC – In anticipation of hurricane Florence’s arrival, the U.S. government is calmly assuring everyone that it could not be more prepared for what could be the worst storm to ever hit the East coast.

Federal Emergency Management (FEM) proudly announced that it has one cot all ready to go for some lucky person who might perhaps be uprooted by Florence’s ferocity.

FEM administrator Barock Long unveiled the cot to the press corpse while offering these comments:

“I am very confident we are more than prepared for hurricane Florence. Besides this comfortable cot, we also have two battery-powered radios and a few bags of kitty-litter for your pets.”

With September designated as national hurricane preparation month, make sure you know where your family is and that you have a fully stocked liquor cabinet. Remember: You can’t spell Trump without “rum”!

Federal ‘Affordable Cheese Act’ Providing Free Cheese From US Government

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There’s no such thing as Free Cheese except when it comes to Big Government.

Cheesetown, Pennsylvania – In its infinite wisdom, the U.S. Government is now offering free cheese to almost anyone willing and able to eat it.

The Affordable Cheese Act was passed by Congress in the dead of night so that we could read what the new law actually said.

The ACA “shall provide free cheese to anyone who voted Democrat in the last election”.

The U.S. taxpayers have already been taxed quite heavily so that this over-abundance of low-grade governmental cheese can now be offered freely to those who may want free cheese from the government.

Federal ACA officials will be offering free demonstrations on how to cut the cheese, and then how to use it to make some basic All-American healthy recipes such as: double grilled cheese sandwitches, macaroni and cheese casserole hotdish, and very deep-fried cheese curds.

To get your free Government Cheese, simply stand in line wherever free governmental handouts are normally offered and use promo-code “FGC-2017” when filling out the mandatory 12-page IRS tax form #C-1270-BO.

As a special bonus, you can even get your picture taken for free at the free cheese handout office. Remember to smile wide and say “Cheese!”