Tag Archives: governor

New ND Governor’s Mansion Mistaken For Highway Rest Area By Many Travelers

Many find the marble bathrooms in the new ND Governor’s Residence to be very nice.

Bizmark, ND – Whether planned or unplanned is not certain at this juncture, but North Dakota’s new Governor’s Mansion looks like a highway rest area to many driving by.

Many a weary traveler going across the state have stopped at the new Executive Residence recently built for North Dakota’s Governor and have walked in to use the main floor bathroom facilities.

Some have even snooped into the kitchen fridge and played the lobby piano before continuing on with their journey.

The architect for the Executive Mansion was unavailable for comment, however he did text us back adamantly asking that we never send him another text again.

Besides looking like a highway rest area, others have likened the Executive Palace to a secretive bilateral nuclear bomb test shelter site.

But since the taxpayers of North Dakota own it because we paid for it, feel free to continue to stop and use it as a highway rest area, but please, only play the piano if you’re a certified trained professional.

Virginia Governor Ralph Northam Being Pressured To Do The Moonwalk

Dance like Mike

Richmond, Virginia – After boasting that he won a dance contest in the 1980s by doing Michael Jackson’s famous moonwalk, leading Democratix are calling on Virginia’s governor Northam to do the moonwalk.

“We believe if his Excellency can indeed do the moonwalk like Michael Jackson, this will give some major credence to his nutcase that he can dance good enough to win a dance contest.”

Expert pundits agree across the board that if verificational veracity in the tangible form of an actual moonwalk performance by The Honorable Governor Ralph Northam is witnessed by all on live TV, then the rest of his cockamamy story may be true, so help him God.

Virginia’s Lieutenant Governor: “It is time to not just talk the talk, but rather we believe it is time for Ralph Northam to walk the walk, and in this particular case, we talkin’ the Moonwalk!”

ND Lawmakers Vote To Cut Their Own Pay And Always Wear Jeans

North Dakota to wear jeans while making state legendary again.

Bismarck, ND – Following the new theme of reinventing government, North Dakota lawmakers have voted to cut their own pay by 15%.

“This will show the legendary people of North Dakota that we are serious about making North Dakota great again,” said a blue jeans-wearing caucus leader during an afternoon tea break.

The full legislative body also voted unanimously to make the wearing of blue jeans the new official state protocol pants when those who were elected to represent the people of North Dakota are in session to make North Dakota legendary again.

“We feel that blue jeans represent us rolling up our sleeves and trying to actually get some real work done for our constituents who are probably back home also wearing jeans in the towns and precincts that we represent,” said a senate leader who was working his lariat to rope up his caucus members for a chamber vote.

Legendary studies have also shown that people are way more productive and “just work better”, if you will, when they don’t have to wear a fracking suite and tie which are quite constrictive in more ways than one.

Yes, my friends, there is now a new feeling in Bismarck and throughout the rest of the legendary state of North Dakota that our best days are in front of us, if we all just stand arm-in-arm, singing in perfect harmony, while always wearing blue jeans…and a sweater.

Rachel Maddow Announces She’s Running For Governor Of North Dakota

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Rachel Maddow describes herself as a left-looking liberal lady as well as a proactively progressive political pundit.

Bismarck, ND – Rachel Maddow has stunned the political world by announcing that she is running for Governor of the great state of North Dakota.

Most people know Rachel Maddow as a popular political commentator who hosts the Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC.

Some might not know that she is also an accomplished author who holds a doctorate in politics from the prestigious Oxford University.

With a vast dearth of Democrat candidates running for Governor of North Dakota, Rachel Maddow has decided to throw her name into the proverbial political hat.

FMO: Why North Dakota? Why would you want to run for Governor of North Dakota?

Rachel Maddow: “Some people see things as they are and ask why. I see things that could be and say: Hey, what the heck!”

New ND Governor’s Mansion To Be Way Nicer Than South Dakota’s

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Architectural rendering of North Dakota’s new Governor’s Mansion

Bismarck, ND – North Dakota has finally decided to build a new Governor’s Mansion, since its current one looks like an out-dated, dilapidated, detached garage.

The Capitol Grounds Planning Commission basically told the architects to “spare no expense” in making sure that North Dakota’s new Governor’s Residence is “twice as nice” as the one in South Dakota.

The final design for the new $55 million dwelling which was recently approved by The Commission is similar to one of Hugh Hefner’s famous Playboy mansions.

The new Gubernatorial Party Palace will reportedly have multiple large hot-tubs, an indoor shooting range, original paintings by Amsterdam Douglass, and a fully-stocked petting zoo and liquor cabinet.

Underground tunnels will allow the Governor and First Lady to comfortably walk to the Capitol during a blizzard, as well as to the former Governor’s Residence, which will be used as a Dog House for the First Dog.