Tag Archives: hearing

Court Artist Accused Of Drawing-Under-The-Influence At Cohen/Daniels Court Hearing

Most agree that this court artist must’ve been under the influence of drugs, but you can draw your own conclusions.

New York, NY – The artist chosen to do sketches at the Stormy Daniels/Michael Cohen court hearing has been accused of DUI (Drawing Under The Influence).

Just as many famous artists have successfully used drugs to embellish or enhance their work, federal court artists are not supposed to share that same luxury.

The artist in question is named Audi Ritts, who normally produces decently recognizable sketches.

But when Judge Kimba Wood asked Mr. Ritts to try and draw a straight line, it was obvious that Audi had been perhaps using the pot, or something of that nature.

In light of this stunning development, the Judge declared a misdrawing, and therefore, the hearing will have to be re-sketched.

Interestingly, all of the letters in Audi Ritts can be redrawn to spell: DUI Artist!

“March Madness” Defense Fails Miserably In Court

Fargo, ND – The Observer is surprised to learn that yet another hapless defendant and his bumbling pro bono lawyer went with the “March Madness” defense, only to get laughed at by a veteran judge who has definitely seen this type of idiocy before. The defendant, on trial for vehicular manslaughter, had his lawyer go with this as a last-ditch effort in an attempt to sway the jury’s decision in his favor:

“But, your Honor, you know what it’s like. The frenzy of the tournament and all…I guess my client let all this March Madness get the best of him, heh heh.”

The presiding judge was not the slightest bit amused:

“You are a piece of work, you know that? I’ve sat in this chair for tournament after tournament now for many years. I’ve won some brackets, i’ve lost some brackets but if you think for one second i’m going to listen to that ridiculous closing argument you’re dead wrong. A smart defense attorney would have advised me what team to bet on prior to the tournament, postponed this hearing until after said team won the tournament and THEN come to me with the March Madness defense. You two AMATEURS obviously don’t have your heads screwed on straight.”

The defendant was then held in contempt of court which only added to the humiliation. Sentencing is scheduled for the 2nd week in April, which cannot bode well for the defendant if the judge’s team doesn’t win it all.