Tag Archives: stormy daniels

Tree Toppled By Storm’s Strong Winds Damages Home Which Owner Fixes Using Only Duct Tape

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Once again, duct tape proves to be the only real thing you need to fix anything.

Fargo, ND – The home of Dr. Devito Petalcu was heavily damaged this past weekend when a hurricane-force gust knocked down a very large tree onto his family’s house.

Not wanting to wait for help to arrive, the Petalcu group quickly removed the monstrous tree and chopped it up into neatly stacked firewood for the winter.

Then, Devito resourcefully used many rolls of colorful duct tape to masterfully repair the damage so as to almost make their home better than new.

Expectedly, all of the letters in Devito Petalcu can be duct taped together to spell: I Love Duct Tape!

Full Disclosure: Sean Hannity And Michael Cohen Are Brothers From Another Mother

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DNA proves Sean Hannity and Michael Cohen are half brothers from different mothers.

New York, NY – Thanks to porn star Stormy Daniels, we have now found out that Sean Hannity and Michael Cohen are brothers from another mother.

According to DNA evidence, both men had the same father but each was from a different mother.

Sean Hannity’s maternal DNA points to Margaret Thatcher whilst Michael Cohen’s mother most likely is Janet Reno.

Both women had secret affairs with William F. Buckley Jr. who is then by default believed to be the father of both men.

According to our legal team, since Sean Hannity and Michael Cohen are half brothers, their conversational communications should then have been protected by the brother-brother family privacy privilege, and therefore not admissable in a court of law, so help them God.

Court Artist Accused Of Drawing-Under-The-Influence At Cohen/Daniels Court Hearing

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Most agree that this court artist must’ve been under the influence of drugs, but you can draw your own conclusions.

New York, NY – The artist chosen to do sketches at the Stormy Daniels/Michael Cohen court hearing has been accused of DUI (Drawing Under The Influence).

Just as many famous artists have successfully used drugs to embellish or enhance their work, federal court artists are not supposed to share that same luxury.

The artist in question is named Audi Ritts, who normally produces decently recognizable sketches.

But when Judge Kimba Wood asked Mr. Ritts to try and draw a straight line, it was obvious that Audi had been perhaps using the pot, or something of that nature.

In light of this stunning development, the Judge declared a misdrawing, and therefore, the hearing will have to be re-sketched.

Interestingly, all of the letters in Audi Ritts can be redrawn to spell: DUI Artist!