Tag Archives: hiring

FMO Hiring Senior Retro-Tech Position To Service All Our Older Equipment

Knowledge of older equipment is a plus.

Eastern West Fargo, in Southeastern North Dakota – The FM Observer is proud to announce that we are interested in hiring a Senior Retro-Tech to our staff of Information Technologists.

Candidates must be willing to work in a slow-paced environment and be able to handle extreme pressure well.

Must be willing and able to work days and nights and also weekends and holidays for little or no compensation.

You should be able to take things apart and then put them back together.

Successful applicants would be expected to respectfully stand at attention with hand on heart during the national anthem and our daily pledge of allegiance.

Willingness to participant in office sports betting pools and bring in cookies would be a big plus.

Knowledge of all older types of retro-equipment which has a lot of knobs and buttons would be helpful since that it pretty much your main responsibility.

Candidate should be able to zoom in and zoom out when needed.

Language skills preferably would include English and Spanish as a first or second language, profanity, and also a basic understanding of office notes written in Tamil.

Must be willing to relocate if we ever decide to move or take the entire company on an “extended vacation” due to Global Cooling or problems with local law enforcement.

We are looking for a team player who is willing to be proactive and approachable.

You should be able to set positive goals that are achievable.

Having good time management skills is welcome as is being able to quickly respond to an emergency situation of any kind.

We are looking for someone who can prioritize many tasks as to their urgency and importance, re-think existing processes, educate yourself on the latest retro-technology, and ask questions when the answers may not be right in front of you.

If you feel your particular skill set is what the FM Observer is looking for, print multiple copies of your one-page resume in Tamil (using Google Translate if needed), and put one copy in each of our In-Box folders on our desks when we’re out to lunch (which is pretty much the whole day).

FMO Hiring Day Will Be A Week From Next Month

We want to hire you but can only hire a few to add to our great crew and bring some blood that’s new.

West Fargo, ND – Yes, once again it’s almost Hiring Day at the FM Observer!

Because we’ve lost some impotent associates during this last hectically wonderful year, we’ll be looking to fill some key vacancies in our team line-up, including:

Assistant Vice President, Assistant to the Vice President, Rogue Reporter #2, Field Reporter #3, Head Sous Chef, Numerologist, Executive Psychic, Domestic Engineer, Drone Specialist, Press Secretariat, Safety Council Chairman, Assistant Paralegologist, Research Coordinator, Verbal Judo Bouncer, and Dog Whisperer.

Benefits of joining the FMO Team:
1. Free doggy daycare.
2. No pay and no bonuses.
3. Non-flexible schedules.
4. Team meeting inclusion.
5. No healthcare insurance.
6. Self Esteem booster shots.
7. Free coffee from 5:30-6:00 AM.
8. Focus and Purpose to your life.
9. English as a first language classes.
10. Joy from having found your Last Job.

FM Observer Hiring SPAM Email Answerer

Give these spammers a taste of their own medicine.

Fargo, ND – Our email address fmobserver@gmail.com has been getting its ass kicked by SPAM lately and our receptionist Blenda has been unable to keep up. Between sifting through the seemingly constant flow of corporate buyout and advertising requests, she’s simply not able to sarcastically fulfill each and every Nigerian prince’s donation inquiry in a timely manner because we at FM Observer will be damned if we let one zany SPAM email go unanswered.

Are you familiar with SPAM email? Silly question–of course you are. Who hasn’t taken a leisurely dip into the cesspool that is their SPAM inbox, if only for pure amazement? Next question: do you consider yourself a smart Alec? A silly Sammy? A snarky Susan? If you answered yes to these, you’re the right person for the job.

Skint Boobidoo, III

One lucky Larry will be assigned the unending task of replying hilariously to every SPAM email fmobserver@gmail.com gets. This position can be highly amusing for the right candidate. You will engage the sender in hilarious-yet-offputting banter until the sender becomes infuriated to the point of blocking you.

Successful applicants must undergo Trump-inspired “serious vetting” prior to enlistment in this permanent part-time temporary project. Terms of employment will be discussed during vetting. Come prepared.

FM Observer correspondent Skint Boobidoo, III has already applied so your chances of landing the gig are very limited, but do try anyway. Leave your credentials in the comments section and we’ll consider hiring you instead of Skint.