Tag Archives: health insurance

FMO Hiring Day Will Be A Week From Next Month

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We want to hire you but can only hire a few to add to our great crew and bring some blood that’s new.

West Fargo, ND – Yes, once again it’s almost Hiring Day at the FM Observer!

Because we’ve lost some impotent associates during this last hectically wonderful year, we’ll be looking to fill some key vacancies in our team line-up, including:

Assistant Vice President, Assistant to the Vice President, Rogue Reporter #2, Field Reporter #3, Head Sous Chef, Numerologist, Executive Psychic, Domestic Engineer, Drone Specialist, Press Secretariat, Safety Council Chairman, Assistant Paralegologist, Research Coordinator, Verbal Judo Bouncer, and Dog Whisperer.

Benefits of joining the FMO Team:
1. Free doggy daycare.
2. No pay and no bonuses.
3. Non-flexible schedules.
4. Team meeting inclusion.
5. No healthcare insurance.
6. Self Esteem booster shots.
7. Free coffee from 5:30-6:00 AM.
8. Focus and Purpose to your life.
9. English as a first language classes.
10. Joy from having found your Last Job.

God: ObamaCare Disrupting My Plan

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jesus-tearHeaven, Planet Earth—Since the 44th President of these United States invented a way for people who couldn’t afford or were denied health insurance benefits to affordably obtain health insurance benefits, the Great And Omnipotent One has taken notice. God, in all his Power and Glory, voiced his mighty concern over what He feels people are using to cheat His system:

“AS I’VE BRAINWASHED YOU ALL TO BELIEVE, YOU ARE ALL PART OF GOD’S PLAN. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. A TWISTER DECIMATED YOUR HOME FOR A REASON. YOU’RE WELCOME. YOUR 4-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER AMANDA CONTRACTED LEUKEMIA FOR A REASON. YOU’RE WELCOME. BUT NOW, WITH YOUR TIMELY ACQUISITION OF HEALTH INSURANCE VIA OBAMACARE, LITTLE AMANDA’S PRE-EXISTING CONDITION WON’T GO UNTREATED AND SHE MAY ACTUALLY LIVE. THIS IS ONE OF MANY UNFORTUNATE INSTANCES IN WHICH MY GRAND DESIGN FOR A HUMAN LIFE HAS BECOME GREATLY DISRUPTED. SAAAAD PAAANDA.”

Prior to the implementation of the Affordable Care Act, Amanda’s parents would have been denied health insurance due largely in part to Amanda contracting leukemia before her family obtained coverage. Now, under these new laws, Amanda and her parents can go to battle against a life-threatening illness and not become homeless and/or bankrupt as a result.