God: ObamaCare Disrupting My Plan

Heaven, Planet Earth—Since the 44th President of these United States invented a way for people who couldn’t afford or were denied health insurance benefits to affordably obtain health insurance benefits, the Great And Omnipotent One has taken notice. God, in all his Power and Glory, voiced his mighty concern over what He feels people are using to cheat His system:

“AS I’VE BRAINWASHED YOU ALL TO BELIEVE, YOU ARE ALL PART OF GOD’S PLAN. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. A TWISTER DECIMATED YOUR HOME FOR A REASON. YOU’RE WELCOME. YOUR 4-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER AMANDA CONTRACTED LEUKEMIA FOR A REASON. YOU’RE WELCOME. BUT NOW, WITH YOUR TIMELY ACQUISITION OF HEALTH INSURANCE VIA OBAMACARE, LITTLE AMANDA’S PRE-EXISTING CONDITION WON’T GO UNTREATED AND SHE MAY ACTUALLY LIVE. THIS IS ONE OF MANY UNFORTUNATE INSTANCES IN WHICH MY GRAND DESIGN FOR A HUMAN LIFE HAS BECOME GREATLY DISRUPTED. SAAAAD PAAANDA.”

Prior to the implementation of the Affordable Care Act, Amanda’s parents would have been denied health insurance due largely in part to Amanda contracting leukemia before her family obtained coverage. Now, under these new laws, Amanda and her parents can go to battle against a life-threatening illness and not become homeless and/or bankrupt as a result.