Tag Archives: nestor

Jack Nicholson Opening A Bar In Downtown Fargo

Jack Nicholson is The Shining example of what an actor should be like.

Fargo, ND – Actor Jack of the Nicholson clan plans to open a new bar in renascent downtown Fargo called The Cuckoo’s Nest.

Not only does Jack Nicholson plan on opening a state-of-the-art bar in Fargo, but he also plans on spending a lot of time there visiting with Fargo locals who also enjoy sipping adult beverages because Jack has also just announced his intentions to permanently move to Fargo, the place of his childhood birth.

“Since I was born in Fargo at a very young age, this is from where I would like to enter heaven at a very old age,” says the actor who’s won an Oscar for three different films including One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.

All females servers in The Cuckoo’s Nest will dress like Nurse Ratched and a large sign on the wall will remind patrons: “If you don’t want to take your medication orally, I’m sure we can arrange for you to have it some other way.”

FM Observer: “So just one final question for you Mr. Nicholson: What’s the main reason you want to finally retire from acting and move to Fargo and start taking it easy…just hanging out at The Cuckoo’s Nest?”

Jack Nicholson: “You want answers? You want answers? I’ll answer the question! Because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

Man Riding Bike To Liquor Store Refuses To Re-Evaluate Life

a.baa-Creative-way-to-ride-bike-inFargo, ND—Upon riding his janky old Huffy to the Nestor off-sale for the 5th time this week, local drunkard Gendle Mungripper still actively refuses to re-evaluate what you or I would call an unfortunate life situation.

“I was once a Rhodes Scholar. I held multiple accounts for multiple investment firms. Prosperity comes with a hefty price tag,” Mungripper griped as he dismounted his rusty 10-speed and fumbled for a pocket full of crumpled bills that he would ultimately trade for the day’s whiskey fix.

“Have you ever been talked to like a child amongst a room full of suited-up board members? No? Well then you couldn’t possibly understand why I chose to trade that garbage lifestyle for one in which I wake up and have but one responsibility: to get my flattened ass to a Fargo, North Dakota boozin’ cesspool and submit my panhandled pennies for a fifth of the sweet, warming comfort of Jim Beam.”

Mungripper seems perfectly fine with his current slate of affairs, even if it does mean shedding his dignity prior to leaving his cardboard condo every cold winter morning.