Tag Archives: obama

OBAMACAR: If You Like Your Car, You Can Keep Your Car

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Under ObamaCar, you can keep your current car, if you like it

Under ObamaCar, you can keep your current car, if you like it…period!

Warshington, DC – President Obama’s new Affordable Car Act (or as many affectionately call it: ‘ObamaCar’) was secretly rammed through Congress by Democrats in the middle of the night, while unsuspecting Republicans were asleep at the wheel.

Then, to sell the flawed plan to the American people, President Obama repeatedly told cheering hand-picked crowds in all the blue states:

“If you like your car, you can keep your car…period!”

“You and your family, yawl can keep your car, if you like it!”

“I guarantee that if you like your car dealership, and you like your car, you will be able to keep them!”

Unfortunately, it is not playing out this way.

Under ObamaCar, millions of Americans who thought that they would be able to keep their cars, are now losing them.

With the ever-expanding government now taking control of all car dealerships, and mandating that Americans purchase a government-approved ObamaCar, automobile prices are now starting to sky rocket (just as Senator Cruz predicted).

Plus, a new round of taxes will kick in right after the elections to help pay for part of the giant new bureaucracy that is being created to run it all.

The Automobile Device Tax will significantly raise taxes on the Middle Class to pay for free ObamaCars to be given to all undocumented Democrats.

You have until the end of February to get rid of your unapproved car and purchase an ObamaCar, or the IRS will be scheduling you and all your relatives for full audits.

President Obama has personally hired an army of ObamaCar Navigators who are paid well to teach you how to “beat the system”. Many of these Navigators are convicted felons. Some of them will soon be getting out of prison and would love to visit your home and get to know you.

To sign up for ObamaCar, you can either use the handy-dandy website: ObamaCar.gov (which is not ready yet), or call a helpful ObamaCar Navigator via the toll-free number: 1-800-SCREW-YOU.

Government Healthcare Bullies Americans Into Giant SNAFU

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The new face of healthcare.

The new face of healthcare.

Warshington, DC – As the tentacles of Obamacare grow deeper into what’s left of the American Dream, citizens are being coerced into compliance with a most unpopular law.

President Obama initially blamed the Obamacare website glitches on exceptionally high interest in the newly overhauled health insurance marketplace.

Apparently all the problems being encountered at www.Healthcare.gov are because of an unanticipated surge of web traffic from a high demand by people seeking to buy coverage under the new law.

Some may have forgotten that the high level of interest in Obamacare might, instead, be due to the fact that Americans are being mandated to buy government health insurance under the threat of serious fines, tax penalties, and imprisonment.

Being forced into buying something while being threatened is quite different than deciding on your own to make a purchase of your own free will.

Not surprisingly, the day after all the website problems were blamed on high volumes of interest in Obamacare, the government admitted that the problems may have been due to faulty website design and software problems.

Instead of exceptionally high levels of interest being the culprit, it was determined that the www.Healthcare.gov website is troubled by sloppy software problems and flaws in the basic architectural design of the system.

In the name of transparency, the Obamadministration has declined to say the total number of enrollees in the new Obamacare system.

To help test the new website, please go to www.Healthcare.gov often and leave it up on all of your browsers for long periods of time, so they can see if their website server capacity is adequate to handle all the “interest” in getting signed up for government-run healthcare.

Government Shutdown Leaves Police Department Short-Staffed

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Rambo mode

Rambo mode

West Fargo, ND—Amidst a federal government shutdown which the GOP minority is pitifully and embarrassingly using as leverage to bully the Affordable Care Act’s initiatives/supporters into their corner, local police departments are suffering a shortage of warm bodies.

The West Fargo Police Department is especially short-staffed, as all but one officer has decided to stay home due to the freezing of budget assets.

Officer Kenneth Noisewater, in bold defiance of the government shutdown, showed up ready and rarin’ to go for his morning shift. “I may not get paid today, tomorrow, next week or next month, but i’ll be damned if i’m letting any juveniles smoke cigarettes or degenerate drunks speed down Main avenue in their rust-bucket F-150s after getting lit up at the Town Hall. Not on my watch! I’ll go Rambo on their asses if I have to.”

Noisewater stated implicitly that he’s ready to extinguish crime of all forms by himself if he needs to and that he’s “not to be jerked with” during the government shutdown. It would appear that this government shutdown is already starting to affect many people in a variety of ways.

New Government Board Game: The Red Line

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"The Red Line" is a new fun family board game.

“The Red Line” is a new fun family board game.

Washington, DC – The Obamadministration is mandating that all Americans will need to purchase a new government board game called “The Red Line”.

It is, in part, designed to educate the American public about the current Syrian Crisis.

It will also hopefully help build support for Congress to back President Obama’s desire to bomb the hell out of Syria for its continued alleged use of chemical weapons.

This new board game is not only fun for the whole family, but will also teach players about actual evidence collected by the U.S. Government regarding the Syrian leader’s nefarious crimes against humanity.

Each player gets to set their own Red Line. If any other player crosses your Red Line, you can then decide whether or not you want to punish them into submission, let it go unpunished for a week or a month, or wait to see if Congress votes to get the United States involved in another wasp-nest quagmire.

Fun game cards throw in some crazy random twists to your growing problematic situation, such as: President Obama shows strength by going golfing, Secretary John Kerry offers free ketchup to the entire Middle East, Ambassador Dennis Rodman plays basketball with Syrian President Assad.

60% of all proceeds from “The Red Line” board game will go to the Democratic Party to support their candidates in the upcoming 2014 and 2016 elections. The other 60% will help build President Obama’s Presidential Library which has been designed to be transparent, just like his presidency.

Any American citizens who choose to not purchase “The Red Line” board game will be crossing another red line, punishable by a $250,000 fine and up to 10 years in a federal prison.

Obama To Take Over Leno’s Tonight Show

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Obama will be the new permanent host of the Tonight Show

Obama will be the new permanent host of the Tonight Show

Burbank, CA – In a surprise move, NBC has announced that President Obama will take over for Jay Leno as host of the Tonight Show.

Jimmy Fallon was slated to be the next host of the show but those plans have “gone out the window”.

NBC executives speaking under strict conditions of anonymity (Bruce Devlin and Shirley Jarvis) basically said during a short press conference that the government is taking over the show.

President Obama will be the new permanent show host. Members of his cabinet or any of his various czars will fill in as needed when the President is out of the country or busy playing golf.

As for Jimmy Fallon, his comment to all this was: “I wanted to be a Priest at one point. I was pretty religious. I was an altar boy, and I was damn good at it.”

The President’s spokesman is saying that as soon as President Obama takes the show over, it will be produced at the White House. You can expect a long line of Democratic guests, especially as we get closer to the 2014 and 2016 elections.

Walmart Blamed For Mitt Romney Loss Election 2012

Romney Loses By Landslide. Walmart To Blame.

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Washington, DC – The presidential election is finally over.  Obama wins by a landslide and will continue on being President of the United States for another 4 years.  However, new reports are coming in as to why Romney lost by such a landslide and Walmart is being blamed.

It is being reported that thousands upon thousands of stupid uneducated voters flocked to area Walmarts thinking that each and every one was an election polling station.  Some residents even drove hours upon hours to the closest Walmart only to find out that it was indeed NOT a polling station.  Walmart might offer everything, but not voting booths.

Once inside, voters went irate after learning that there were indeed no polling stations.  Trampling occurred like that you see on Black Fridays and multiple people have been hurt.  Two people reportedly shot.  However, this quickly passed as they realized they were in Walmart and could get 50 photo sticker prints printed of their ugly and repulsive baby for ONLY $3!!  What a deal!

Without all of these votes, no one will know if Mitt Romney could have won or how much more Obama would’ve beat Romney.

During the next election, Walmart plans on putting up 50ft tall bright neon signs stating that Walmart IS NOT A POLLING STATION in all Walmart locations.