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New Species red river Valley fair

Second New Species Discovered At The Red River Valley Fair

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New Species red river Valley fairWest Fargo, ND – Yesterday, Dr. William Francis and his team discovered a new species at the Red River Valley Fair in under one hour.  Today, Mr. Francis and his team have done it again!

His expedition team was yet again at the Red River Valley Fair looking and searching for new species today.  After an exhausting day wandering around with no luck, it was after a team member needed to get a refreshment that they stumbled on yet another new species.

Meet Specvitualis Hiviest.  A rare species of the Adult Baby Kingdom.  It’s natural habitat is that of an urban setting.  They can most definitely be found in and around all baby strollers.

If you run into one of these animals, please allow them to nest in your baby stroller until animal control arrives.

red river valley fair new species

New Species Discovered At Red River Valley Fair

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red river valley fair new species

Locusslayer Solarus

West Fargo,  ND – Scientists gather to search for new species.

Yesterday evening, Dr. William Francis and his team set out on an expedition to look for a new species of human.  A mission that took two years to put together.

“We have been surveying the Red River Valley Fair for over 20 years now.  It was time to put together an expedition.”

It didn’t take Mr. Francis and his team more than one hour to discover and document a new species.

“The new species we found is called ‘Locusslayer Solarus‘.”

They describe this animal as a nocturnal creature who survives on Bud Light, Doritos, and  World of Warcraft.

“It’s habitat is that similar to a nomad.  He moves from fair to fair when not slaying beasts in World of Warecraft.”

Mr. Francis and his team caution that the Locusslayer Solarus is a wild animal and very unpredictable.  They advise on keeping your distance and to watch them from afar.

Please click the picture to get a close up. The new species is wearing the black shirt with writing on the back.

ankle_weights_red_river_valley_fair

One Man Comes To Conquer The Red River Valley Fair And…………

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West Fargo, ND – The Red River Valley Fair in West Fargo is a tough playground to stand out in.  People from all over dress their best in the efforts to stand out, possibly grind their naked genitals together, or become the latest homicide victim.

In the midst of all the back boobs, hooker shoes, tight cowboy jeans, cowboy shorts, and swass (sweaty ass),only one man can stand out.  And that man is……..this guy.

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“I lift wrist weights.  You wanna do me?”

This man is sporting some super cool board shorts.  Where he was before the fair I am not sure.  I can only guess he was pretending to surf some waves at the kiddy pool so I would definitely ask your kids if anything “out of the ordinary” happened.  The shorts are then complimented by a nice DC surfer jacket.  Again, probably riding some waves in the kiddy pool.  Check with your kids.  To top it all off, he is wearing wrist weights which were on his ankles earlier in the evening.  This is totally a baller move.  Wrist weights will get you the chicks and this guy knows it.

This guy eluded me two times while trying to capture his picture.  I was in the stands when I first spotted this creature.  He was walking casually by with his rockin’ ankle weights and was lost amongst the concert crowd.  Disappointed, I sat waiting, lurking, hoping for the chance to spot this creature again.  Then there he was, making his rounds again.  This time I ran down into the crowd to try and stalk this creature, gather research, but he eluded me yet again.  Not giving up, I left my position and walked around looking for him.  God was with me this day because as I was standing there drinking my beer that tasted like piss, he walked right past me.  Excited, I pounced on the opportunity and finally got my short video to provide you all with.  Prize will be awarded if you can correctly name this species.

As I was leaving the fair guess who was there?  It was ankle weight guy running around with children.  It completed my entire night.

So, I think it’s fair to say that this man came to conquer The Red River Valley Fair and……….. KICKEDFUCKINASS!!!!

Red River Valley Fair Concert Goer Still Dealing With PTSD Symptoms

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West Fargo, ND – The smell of vomit, stale beer, and body odor has passed.  The site of the latest fashion trends and best dressed citizens have all but moved on to the next fair or redneck gathering.  What hasn’t gone away is poor little Sarah’s vivid images and sounds she was a witness to on the night of JULY 13, 2012.

What Sarah is experiencing is a serious condition called Post-traumatic stress disorder. A type of anxiety disorder many concert and fair goers experience after the fair is long gone.

On this particular night, Sarah went to the fair with her ever loving parents.  After taking in the rides and playing some games, they went to see Jerrod Niemann who is supposedly a country music artist.

What happens next is explained in the picture below. Sarah was sitting there expecting to hear some decent music when this country music artist decided to break into a Bob Marley cover song.  Yes that’s right, a country music artist playing a Bob Marley song.  Sarah is seen in utter despair and crying as she tries to keep her ear drums from exploding.  Her parents comforted her and tried to cheer her up but it was no use.  Sarah had to sit in terror through the rest of the concert.

 

Treatment of PTSD has a pretty high success rate.  Hopefully poor little Sarah can recover before next years grand stand headliner who is reported to be “The rapper who can literally crap out of his mouth,” Drake.