Tag Archives: teacher

South Park Being Used Extensively As Educational Tool For Pandemic Home Schooling

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Using South Park for home schooling is probably the best thing you can do for your children.

Yourtown, USA – With schools being closed for the foreseeable future, many parents are choosing to educate their home-schooled children by having them watch South Park.

“Used as an educational tool, South Park checks all the boxes, plus kids love the lovable South Park characters,” says Dr. Yap Fortin who is a respected expert for using South Park as an educational tool for children being home-schooled.

FMO: To get a great education, how many hours per day should children watch South Park?

Dr. Fortin: The more the better. In fact, to binge South Park continuously would be my expert recommendation.

Ironically, all the letters in Yap Fortin can be re-arranged to spell: Profanity!

Fanatical Mathematical Radical Goes On Problematical Sabbatical

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What is the square root of apple pi?

Fargo, ND – An overly-zealous Fargo math teacher has been suspended from teaching.

Students in Mr. Cal Cuelator’s third grade class had been complaining of having a steady heavy load of math homework assignments.

Parents of these students also were bitching about the unusually large workload their kids were bringing home every night.

Apparently the parents were being asked by their children to help figure out increasingly difficult math word problems.

Ms. Shirley Buxom: “These word problems Timmy was asking me to help him with started out at the add and subtract level but somehow quickly moved to the college calculus level! How the hell is my little Timmy supposed to figure out the decreasing rate of gravitational pull on a fricking weather balloon that’s ascending at an average rate of 32 feet per second per second?!”

When asked about his teaching methods, Cal argued: “I am simply trying to prepare these children for the real world where they will have to compete for jobs with kids from other countries in order to bring home the bacon.”

For now, Mr. Cuelator has been suspended with partial pay for a finite amount of time. However, he is fighting the School Board on just how that partial pay is calculated and the finiteness of the suspension period.

On a daily basis, School Board members are being mailed to their homes example word problems demonstrating the resulting differences in pay calculation methods and their effects on the long-term outcomes of total pay depending on the number of months involved, which they are then asked to mail back to Mr. Cal Cuelator so he can check their work for accuracy.

Area Teen Disgusted That Substitute Teacher Isn’t Hot

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West Fargo, ND—A West Fargo Middle School junior has voiced his displeasure over the alleged unfavorable physical characteristics of today’s substitute algebra teacher, Mrs. Jonisbarnmeister.

Substitute teacher Qonchy Jonisbarnmeister, at best a 3 out of 10, caught the ire of Nodd Winnials, 17, during this morning’s roll call. Winnials could be heard scoffing and making obvious fart noises as Mrs. Jonisbarnmeister recited names and when Jonisbarnmeister called out his name for roll, Winnials hastily interrupted her with a loud belching sound.

Eyewitness reports also confirm that Winnials then began slandering the substitute teacher under his breath, using carefully-crafted one-liners such as:

“Is that where the NDSU Bison got their logo?”

“Jonisbarnmeister? More like UGLYbarnMISTER.”

“Hey, who let ManBearPig out of its cage?”

“I have now decided my purpose in this life. I hereby declare that my singular reason for existence, now and forever, is to systematically eradicate undesirable humans from the face of this planet. I swear to the Gods I shall uphold this declaration or absolutely and without complaint, die trying.”

First period algebra ended without incident.