Tag Archives: technology

FMO Hiring Senior Retro-Tech Position To Service All Our Older Equipment

Knowledge of older equipment is a plus.

Eastern West Fargo, in Southeastern North Dakota – The FM Observer is proud to announce that we are interested in hiring a Senior Retro-Tech to our staff of Information Technologists.

Candidates must be willing to work in a slow-paced environment and be able to handle extreme pressure well.

Must be willing and able to work days and nights and also weekends and holidays for little or no compensation.

You should be able to take things apart and then put them back together.

Successful applicants would be expected to respectfully stand at attention with hand on heart during the national anthem and our daily pledge of allegiance.

Willingness to participant in office sports betting pools and bring in cookies would be a big plus.

Knowledge of all older types of retro-equipment which has a lot of knobs and buttons would be helpful since that it pretty much your main responsibility.

Candidate should be able to zoom in and zoom out when needed.

Language skills preferably would include English and Spanish as a first or second language, profanity, and also a basic understanding of office notes written in Tamil.

Must be willing to relocate if we ever decide to move or take the entire company on an “extended vacation” due to Global Cooling or problems with local law enforcement.

We are looking for a team player who is willing to be proactive and approachable.

You should be able to set positive goals that are achievable.

Having good time management skills is welcome as is being able to quickly respond to an emergency situation of any kind.

We are looking for someone who can prioritize many tasks as to their urgency and importance, re-think existing processes, educate yourself on the latest retro-technology, and ask questions when the answers may not be right in front of you.

If you feel your particular skill set is what the FM Observer is looking for, print multiple copies of your one-page resume in Tamil (using Google Translate if needed), and put one copy in each of our In-Box folders on our desks when we’re out to lunch (which is pretty much the whole day).

American Medical Journal Identifies New Disease Epidemic: Mediabetes

Smarter phones. Dumber people.

Smarter phones. Dumber people.

Washington, D.C. – Research from the American Medical Association has uncovered a new disease silently plaguing our society: Mediabetes. Mediabetes is defined as a condition in which the brain’s inability to produce enough of its own creative ideas causes elevated levels of moronic thoughts in the mind.

Renowned neurologist, Dr. Helena Hanbasquet, describes the recent explosion of mediabetes in the U.S. as “extremely concerning”. She adds, “The potential for complete and utter societal disintegration definitely exists. Mediabetes is not only more rampant than previously thought, it is also proving to be nearly impossible to treat. Among my colleagues, patients with the disease are referred to as BURNS, which stands for Basically Untreatable Really Neanderthal Stupid. That about sums it up.”

“We’re seeing more and more people stumbling through our emergency room doors with no discernible clue what’s going on,” says Dane Jerrus, EMT. “Most of them have lost their smartphones or tablets, which precipitates a total shutdown of all mental function. It’s like Night Of The Living Dead sometimes. Seriously.”

Dr. Hanbasquet has created the website duh.org, which offers tips for preventing Mediabetes, symptoms of the disease, and a short test to determine your risk factors. Test questions include:

Do you believe reality TV is real?
Do you tweet more than 250 times per day?
Has it been longer than a week since you spoke to a real person?

Hanbasquet urges that all Americans who still know how to read visit duh.org immediately. “Together, we can put an end to this terrible disease. Or at least pass legislation ensuring that BURNS can no longer drive, purchase firearms, post online, own a home, or procreate. Either way works for me.”