Tag Archives: yellowstoned

All North Dakotans Now Required To Take An Annual Mental Examination

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After being mentally evaluated, every North Dakotan will be ranked as either Green, Yellow, or Red

Green=Fine Yellow=OK Red=Bad

Bismarck, ND – With much of the national discussion being focused on mental health, North Dakota will proactively soon begin annually checking the mental health of each and every one of its citizens.

A new task force called MIND (Mentally Interrogating North Dakota) will do a thorough evaluation of all North Dakotans on their half birthdays.

Based on the official results of their mental examination, every person in North Dakota, over the age of nine (9) will be given one of three possible rankings:

Green Light: You are fine. No major mental problems were detected. See you again in one year, on your next half birthday. (For example: If your birthday is on April 15th, your mandatory mental exams will be every October 15th.)

Yellow Light: Some concerns were detected based on your responses to questions selected especially for you. You will need to be put on a MIND Watch List and retested monthly, until you are hopefully upgraded to a Green Light.

Red Light: A likely problematical situation was detected. You will be held for further testing to determine the magnitude of the problem. For your convenience, padded shuttle buses heading to Jamestown will be standing by.

Yellowstone Park To Soon Blow Its Top

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Sitting on a powder keg and giving off sparks!

Yellowstone Lake, Wyoming – We think of Yellowstone National Park as 3,500 square miles of family fun and adventure.

With all its amazing canyons, rivers, forests, and hot springs, it’s a favorite destination for many group outings.

Besides seeing Old Faithful, you will often encounter antelope, bears, bison, elk, moose, and wolves.

Unfortunately, this wilderness recreation area sits on top of a gigantic volcanic hot spot that’s about to explode.

New scientific imaging techniques show that underneath Yellowstone is a newly-formed, deeper magma reservoir of molten rock miles beneath the Yellowstone Supervolcano. This recent discovery is four (4) times larger than the shallower, previously-known magma chamber.

It is calculated that if the Yellowstone Supervolcano erupts, the power of the blast could send its animal residents flying to the moon…and beyond.

Respected magmalogist Dr. Umoto Hishomataka believes “When this Yellowstone Supervolcano decides to blow, it will make Hiroshima look like buttered popcorn.”

The Federal Government, with its infinite wisdom, is proactively trying to save all of these beautiful animals by setting up an Emergency Animal Adoption Program.

If you would like to adopt an antelope, a bear, a bison, an elk, a moose, or a wolf, please contact your Senator or Representative and indicate your preference(s).

If we all care a little bit, we can collectively care a lot.

Wear a yellow ribbon to show you care more than your neighbor.

If anyone asks what the yellow ribbon is for, ask them if they were born yesterday.