Category Archives: NFL

NFL players breathe sigh of relief after not making Pro Bowl

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Coaches stand on the field DURING THE GAME for christ's sake

Coaches stand on the field DURING THE GAME for pete’s sake

New York, NY – The National Football League Pro Bowl roster was announced recently, and much to the relief of many players around the league, they were not included. The Pro Bowl has become an inconvenience of sorts for NFL players. Especially the ones who don’t make the playoffs and would rather move on with their lives than lace ’em up for one more completely meaningless game.

Players are over the Pro Bowl. All it really means anymore is a free trip to Hawaii and a small monetary bonus. Take it from one of the league’s top defensive players, Seattle Seahawks CB Richard Sherman. Sherman was asked by the Associated Press what his thoughts were after being left off the Pro Bowl roster:

“It don’t mean nothing. I bet you I’ll be on the first-team All-Pro. That means more to me.”

For a rookie or a player relatively new to the league, it might be a big deal. But to the seasoned veteran who flies to Hawaii year after year, it’s gotten to be pretty mundane. Players show up, goof around and don’t really compete due to the threat of injury. Hell, both they and the fans have more fun in the skills competition than the actual game.

That being said, congratulations are still in order for Adrian Peterson and Peyton Manning for making the Pro Bowl roster. They fought off career-threatening injuries only to come back and rip apart NFL defenses. For the rest of you: suck it up and go to Hawaii or we’ll vote you into the 2013 NFL Diva Squad.

Vikings bench Ponder, replace him with broomstick

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4853845532_747e8c0c83_bMinneapolis, MN – There is much rejoicing to be done today as the Minnesota Vikings coaching staff has finally pulled the plug on the Ponder experiment. Head Coach Leslie Frazier:

“Ponder was a guy who we thought could fill the role of ‘game manager’ quite nicely. A guy who could hand the ball off on 1st and 2nd down and if we needed a small handful of yards to convert 3rd down, he could throw a quick out to the tight end. However, we’re not converting 3rd downs and Ponder has thrown for fewer yards than Adrian Peterson has run for in three of our past five games. Enough is enough.”

Coach went on to say that Ponder is “just getting in the way” and that a broomstick would serve as a “sufficient decoy”. The Vikings plan to prop up their decoy against the center, helmet dangling from the broom bristles as the center snaps the ball directly to Adrian Peterson.

Too little too late? This benching comes with only 3 games left to play in the regular season. The Vikings need to basically run the table and get help from other teams in order to make the playoffs. Starting quarterback Broom Stick will wear jersey # 13. Look for him(?) behind center this Sunday against St. Louis.

Cutler Brings A-Game In Loss to Packers

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Green Bay, WI – Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler played competely out of his mind football last night against the Green Bay Packers. Many are calling this performance “vintage Cutler” as he gunslang a total of 4 interceptions to the Packer defense en route to a 23-10 ass kicking.

Cutler made every effort to redirect the spotlight to the home team as he has year after year in Green Bay. The “Lambeau mystique” has taken Cutler’s game to new levels as he sets out to do everything in his power to make the Packers look good in prime time. “If they want a quarterback that doesn’t care, they can find somebody else,” Cutler said. Well put, Jay. You truly want the Packer fans to have a good time.

This makes Packer fans respect the Bears’ #6 more and more. Cutler finished with the lowest QB rating seen so far this season after throwing for a meager 126 yards and being sacked 7 times by a ferocious Packer pass rush.

It would appear that “vintage Jay Cutler” is poised for a breakout–I mean–breakdown 2012 season.

Zygi Wilf asks Viking fans to start thinking of new team name

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Minneapolis, MN – As the twilight years of yet another Minnesota sports team near their bittersweet end, the owner of the Minnesota Vikings is keeping the lines of communication with the fan base open. Knowing that a stadium deal will likely not get done, thus forcing the team out of town, Zygi Wilf is reaching out to fans to seek their opinion on where they’d like to see the team go and what to call it. In a statement on his website, Mr. Wilf had this to say:

Dear Minnesota sports fans,

It’s been a nice run, but as i’m sure most of you are aware, the Vikings of Minnesota are almost certainly on their way out of town. Lawmakers in the state are seemingly incapable of coming to an agreement on a multi-million dollar sports complex (which I am willing to help fund 🙂 so leave me out of this). This begs the question: What do you want to call your new team? Here are a few catchy names i’ve been batting around so far. Let me know your thoughts:

Los Angeles Blaze

Los Angeles Stardust

Los Angeles Mudslide

Or if we move to England:

London Crumpetmashers

London Fogs

Please leave all thoughts/votes in the comments section of the site. Keep your negative comments to yourself kthanksBAI.

Yours, 

Zygi

This is a sad time for Minnesota sports. Another team jumping ship for no reason other than politics. First the Lakers, then the North Stars and now our beloved Vikings. Hey, sports teams…

Y U NO STAY MINNE SOTA??????