Google Robot Beats Human At Bocce Ball

May 19th, 2015 | by Nick
Prime Directive: Beat Humans

Prime Directive: Beat Humanoids

Signifying the rapid progression of the artificial intelligence takeover, a Google-owned ATLAS robot at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC) recently beat a human at a game of bocce ball. It not only beat the human, it shut out the human 12-0 using a small series of perfectly-calculated rolls, tosses and heaves.

If you’re unfamiliar with the game of bocce ball, it goes like this: you throw a big ball at a small ball, hoping to get your big ball as close to the small ball as possible. Each person throws 2 big balls at the small ball per turn. If your big balls are closest to the small one, you get two points.


Bong Maxomer

“Google ATLAS is easily able to precog the actual logical physics of immediate-diameter ground terrain using its front-facing laser rangefinder,” explained IHMC Robotologist Wurlot Bong Maxomer. “ATLAS can successfully measure the required distance of a throw, the wind resistance impact on the throw, the terrain and grass’ effect on the throw ALL before completing the throw. He can calculate the ricochet off trees, small animals and his opponent’s ball to the nearest nano-inch. He does this using a pre-programmed quantum physics AlGoreRhythm. It’s really quite remarkable.”

The Google-backed ATLAS program is growing by leaps and bounds. Soon, the ATLAS will likely be able to drive a car to your house and hang out with your wife while you’re out playing golf and being a dull human.

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