Video brings you quotes such as….
“trying to slash Mianus open”
“Minanus is in a bit of pain here”
“Mianus is bleeding all over Chavez’s chest”
“There is a cut on Mianus”
Fargo, ND – It’s been a very cold and depressing winter season this year.
This has left hundreds of out-of-state family members worried as they haven’t heard from their loves ones who live in the Fargo tundra for quite some time.
Yesterday, neighbors all around the city have started to see their neighbors whom they haven’t seen for months, crawl, hop, roll, and gimp out of their front door unexpectedly.
One neighbor described it as something out of a horror movie.
Haven’t seen ‘ol Jim in about 4 months. Then all of a sudden there he is in his underwear rolling himself out his front door. Looks like he hasn’t shaved in 4 months and his underwear looked to be dirty. He looked absolutely awful.
Jim is just one of hundreds who seem to have “hibernated” in their homes this year due to the terrible winter weather. With warmer temperatures in the horizon, these hibernators seem to have awaken from their deep sleep.
We were able to speak to Douglas Bumble who has been hibernating in his room with five blankets and an electric heater since December 1st. He hasn’t stepped outside since.
I don’t really know who you are but I’m hungry and I’d like to tan in the sun now please.
We hope they all still have their jobs and encourage them to contact their out-of-state family members as soon as they know what month it is.
The Fargo Police Department will be following up with theses hibernators and close all missing persons reports.
Dunks.
Dunks you say? Yes dunks. A lot of these dunks I’ve seen while watching March Madness have left me shaking my head at times.
Everytime someone dunks the crowd oozes in excitement and the teams bench goes crazy. Some guy dunks and the crowd goes, “ohhhhhhhh nah he didn’t.” Oh..oh he did.
Why would dunks annoy you you ask? Well, because the dude is usually 6ft 8. All they need to do is hop and they pretty much dunk it. Trip? It’s a dunk. Accidental sneeze? Slam flying dunk. You ever play basketball with your little niece or nephews or whatnot where everyone is shorter then you? Well that’s pretty much these guys. I can dunk. I can school every little kid at basketball any time I want I’m that good. I’ll dunk over them any day of the week. They got NOTHING on me.
Basically these centers are just tall and stand there quite a bit. Here is how the recruitment process goes. “Hey you’re really tall. Would you like a college scholarship to be tall and hop dunk some balls in? Yes? Greeeeaaaaat.”
If I see someone that is 6ft 3 or under dunk it then I’m impressed. Anyone else, you’re that guy playing the nieces and nephews. Do your dunk and slowly jog on over to the other side of the court there buddy. They need your blocking ability. Or just your large human mass to stand there with your hands up.
Washington, DC—To the shock and utter disbelief of many, a government program has officially called it quits.
The initiative, said to help, prevent and raise awareness of its cause, has gone the way of extinction now that actual physical need has completely subsided.
Program offices around the country boarded up shop last week, seemingly out of nowhere.
A completely bewildered spokeswoman explains:
“There is no longer a need for our program. The less-fortunate have learned from their woes and quit asking for free handouts, so we’ve simply stopped giving them out. This move is unprecedented as we never predicted that the need for our service or any government-provided service could or would terminate, especially in the 21st century.”
Thousands of government workers across the nation are now left without jobs and unfortunately, without pension plans to back them up as their budget subsidies are being taken off the books and usurped by other national organizations.
Shell-shocked by this liberal agenda’s untimely demise, Washington-led officials are left shrugging their shoulders and scratching their heads, wondering what went right.
You can’t spell Fargodome without ‘God’
Fargo, ND – Well, they’re at it again! The extremist left-wing wackos that tried to ban the Ten Commandments from downtown Fargo are up to another equally fretful plot.
By using powerful empirical logic, these pseudo-Vulcans believe in complete and total separation of church and state as is prescribed by the U.S. Bill Of Rights. Any nano-violation of this cardinal sin is fair game for the omnipresent mental focus of these non-emotional agnostic brainiacs.
The next battle to be fought by the non-profit group known as the Red River Freethinkers will be over the name of the Fargodome. The word “GOD” is curiously placed exactly in the middle of “FARGODOME” and this is apparently not acceptable, and must be changed, according to the Freethinkers.
A hooded spokesthinker for the shady freethought group explained: “Either the name of the Fargodome needs to be changed or this will make us feel isolated and uncomfortable enough that we will need to perpetually protest this blatant violation of what we think is permissible and non-permissible. We have decided that having the word ‘GOD’ in the middle of the name of a city-owned facility is egregiously offensive within the confines of the freethought dogma perspective.”
Surprised Fargodome officials say that the management group of the building, which was built on university land back in late 1992, has never been aware of the fact that “GOD” clearly sits in the middle of their huge signage. Attorney Steve Reeves declared, “Any reference to a higher power in the building’s name is totally coincidental and should not be interpreted as bridging the separation of religion and government.”
The Freethinkers continue ramping up their plans to protest this new problematic situation which will most likely add to their membership. Ironically, becoming a member of the Freethinkers is not free. The cost to join this band of freethinking practitioners is $15 for a student, $30 for an individual, and $45 for a family.
By keeping their name in the headlines and growing their clout, other issues will be able to be addressed in the future, such as: removing “In God We Trust” from all money, stopping politicians from attending church services, and ending all news coverage of Pope Frank on NPR and Public Television.
One wonders how the Freethinkers will react when they realize what word is in the middle of the name of a popular furniture store in the area: ETHAN ALLEN.
Fargo, ND
First day of Spring 3/20/2013.
Everywhere, ND
Bismarck, ND – The North Dakota Department of Transportation has released preliminary first-quarter car accident statistical report findings and let me tell you, the numbers are staggering.
The report shows that there has been a “buttload of single-car wrecks” during the first 3 months of 2013. It’s a very revealing statistic that seems to indicate how continually reckless our state’s drivers are.
These staggering numbers could very easily be blamed on oil patch-bound out-of-towners who have not yet been winterized (acclimated to the absolutely horrific road conditions North Dakota is mercilessly forced to endure) but NDDOT sees things differently. That is why they have initiated mandatory winter driving course legislation.
NDDOT wants to force all currently and potentially licensed ND drivers to pass a mandatory winter driving course as a part of obtaining a new license or a license renewal. The legislation is slated to budget extra money for changes to driving tests.
A driver must boss their way through an NDDOT-prepared one-mile portion of road that includes either fake snow during the summer or a real stretch of panic-inducing black-ice highway during winter in order to earn that license. Drivers who want the privilege to operate a motor vehicle in our state must prove that they are capable of operating road machinery during times of absolutely infuriating winter weather.
The likelihood of this somewhat ridiculous-but-kinda-sensible bill passing or even existing is not high. However, it must be stated that this is the same Republican legislature that decided they could override Roe vs Wade and basically claim eminent domain over a woman’s vagina, so a bill like this is not entirely that far-fetched.
We’ve seen them. We even named our own wifi network a funny name. Below is a list of names thought up and found on the internet for funny network name ideas. Use at your own risk.
IHaveToFart
GetOffMyLAN
IHearYouHaveSex
Your Baby Is Ugly
I’m In Your Closet
WhatCameOutMyBUTT
PrettyFlyForWifi
Secret Meth Lab
YourWifeFakesIt
Registered Sex Offender
IKidnappedYourSoul
GayOrgiesRoom105
UndercoverSurveillance
Terror Network
WhyDontYouTakeASeatRightHere
Immigration Task Force
Nacho Internet
This LAN Is Your LAN
Unlicensed Urban Pharmacists
Everyday I’m Buffering
Marijuana Task Force
Girls Gone Wireless
Kick Me!
AnyWhere, USA – Not long after hearing about the 2007 blockbuster movie “The Bucket List”, my spouse-mate and I decided to start our own Bucket List Club.
We thought the idea of having on-going lists of things we each wanted to do before we “kicked the bucket” was a cool idea.
Taking that one step further, starting or joining a Bucket List Club is a great way of regularly getting together with other Bucketeers to discuss and share ideas, review and add to your lists, as well as check-off the items you’ve already accomplished.
Just remember that it’s never too early (or too late) to start a list of things you would like to do or accomplish before you kick the proverbial can.
Here are 25 fun ideas you may want to consider adding to your own Bucket List (if they’re not already on it), or at least these may get your creative juices flowing to brainstorm some others, that you can perhaps share at our next meeting.