Tag Archives: bowling balls

Professional Bowler Stuns Crowd During Regional Championship Tournament

Leave a reply

Pro bowler accidentally chucks ball up into ceiling but still manages to win the tournament!

Fargo, ND – While professional bowler Norm Duke Jr. was competing in the Midwest Regional bowling tournament at The Bowler in Fargo, an unfortunate mishap ruined what looked to be a near-perfect game.

Perhaps because of unchecked tournament nerves, or maybe it was because his controlling mother–in–law was in the crowd watching, Norm Duke Jr. somehow chucked the ball up into the ceiling at the start of the tenth frame of his final game.

The good news is that the ball did eventually return to him so that he could go on to pick up all ten pins up for a spare and win the tournament!

The bad news is that Norm Duke Jr. had to give his entire tournament winnings to The Bowler to repair all of the damage done by his wayward sixteen pound ball.

Norm Duke Jr. on his amazing win: “If the word ‘quit’ is in your vocabulary, then the words ‘finish’ and ‘strong’ are likely not. I’m just so very glad I was able to finish strong today.”

Norm Duke Sr. on his son’s amazing win: “When things sometime seem bleak, they can always get more bleaker, or less bleaker, which was the case today, thank God!”

sunset-lanes-closeup

Burglar Breaks Into Sunset Lanes In Moorhead. Doesn’t Find Shit.

Leave a reply

Moorhead, MN – Moorhead police would like your help in catching one dumb fucking criminal who broke into Sunset Lanes around 2 a.m. Sunday.  Police say he forced a door open to find a shit load of used bowling balls.

Alright, time for a FM Observer Burning by the one and only Bill Burns.

So, your sitting around being fat on your stupid fat couch and think, “Oh fuck yea!  I just thought of the greatest plan ever.  I’m going to break into the ever so busy and popular Sunset Lanes in Moorhead.  I’m going to be fucking rich!  Retiring a millionaire bitch!  F YOU SOCIETY.”

Wrong!

So out of the hundreds of establishments with actual cash or items that would be worth stealing, you decide to risk jail time, getting shot, your career of being fat, family disownment, and an entire town laughing at you, to break into a bowling alley?  What did you expect to find there mister smarty pants?  A shit load of cash? You found a bunch of used bowling balls you fucking idiot.  Maybe a few hundred dollars?  If that was really what you were after then you could only carry, what, three bowling balls at a time?  And what would you do with all those used bowling balls?  Judging by your picture on the fat cam, carrying three would  be too tough for you.  You would probably have to carry one at a time and that’s just stupid when you’re running against the clock during a robbery.  Maybe there is some type of hidden treasure buried deep underground,  then…a to hell with it, there’s no treasure.  I’m just wishful thinking.  Trying to find ways to justify your stupidness.  Lastly, what is with the stupid cliche ski mask?  Come on!  You are already knee deep in shit when you decide to break into a business, why not wear a mask with some class?  A mask that is unique.  Something like the picture below.

vagina_mask

 

The FM Observer loves the Fargo-Moorhead area and hates degenerate criminals.  Especially ones who break into small business establishments just trying to make a living.  Let’s have a first here.  The first time FM Observer fans catch a criminal.  So, show the picture above (not the guy with a vagina mask, the actual criminal) to everyone you know and lets nab this asshole.