Tag Archives: convenience store

Man Tries To Rob Convenience Store For A Pack Of Cigarettes Using Only A Pillow

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This is the pillow that was used to try to rob a convenience store for a pack of cigarettes.

Fargo, ND – Henry Doofus was booked on charges of felonious attempted robbery after he tried to rob a convenience store while only carrying a pillow as a weapon.

The store clerk, Richard Stonewall, at first thought it was a big joke when Mr. Doofus demanded a pack of Marlboro Light 100s while threatening to hit the clerk with the pillow.

Once it was determined that this was certainly not a joke, Richard Stonewall pulled out a large baseball bat (after pressing the police emergency call button) and then began to soundly pummel Henry Doofus until the police showed up.

Police officers on the scene found a bloodied Doofus on the floor and then carefully placed the pillow into a clear plastic bag as evidence.

Attorneys for the convenience store will be seeking a life sentence for Henry Doofus just to send a message to future potential would-be doofuses, however, they are in favor of the Doofmeister having his pillow in prison upon which to sleep and dream about that pack of Marlboro Light 100s.

Help Fargo Police Investigate Convenience Store Robbery

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Whodunnit?

Fargo, ND – During a recent police investigation, Chief Inspector Ripley interviewed five possible suspects in the robbery of a local Kum & Go convenience store.

One fact that was known for certain: each suspect was telling exactly one lie.

From their statements below, can you use the power of deductive logical thinking to help the police investigators determine which suspect robbed the Kum & Go?

Here are the statements from the five suspects:

Angel said: It wasn’t Elizabeth. It was Brandi.
Brandi said: It wasn’t Cheri. It wasn’t Elizabeth.
Cheri said: It was Elizabeth. It wasn’t Angel.
Dolly said: It was Cheri. It was Brandi.
Elizabeth said: It was Dolly. It wasn’t Angel.

Anyone who submits the correct answer might be entered into a fairly random drawing to possibly win either a $5 gift certificate to Kum & Go, or win a frozen box of Philly Steak* Hot Pockets.

Good luck and thank you for assisting local crime-fighters in solving yet another in a long series of convenience store burglaries.

*Nestlé USA, the company that produces Hot Pockets, announced last week that it is voluntarily recalling an unspecified number of ”Philly Steak” and ”Croissant Crust Philly Steak and Cheese” Hot Pockets in certain sizes as part of a larger meat recall.

Hint to solving the crime: Only one of Brandi’s statements is true.

FM-area convenience stores: “We are out of cash so please stop robbing us”

small-time crook

small-time crook

Fargo, ND—A long string of recent armed attacks on gas stations in our town has left tills and registers completely tapped. After Fargo endured yet another pair of convenience store holdups yesterday, the Observer has learned local stop n shops are officially out of money.

Store clerks want the city’s armed hoodlums to know they don’t have any more cash to fork over after being robbed, like, fifty million times.

South Fargo Petro Serve clerk Zelda Holdsclaw:

“We’re out of cash so don’t bother robbing us anymore. You guys took it all. Holding us up again would be a complete waste of your time.”

It would appear that area convenience stores have become easy targets for a quick smash-and-grab. Thankfully, with this new announcement, all that is about to change.

North Fargo Stop-N-Go store manager Randy Noisewater:

“Robbers have finally taken us for all we’re worth. It might be time for criminals to step their game up, take off the training wheels and start robbing banks for Pete’s sake.”