Tag Archives: dog shit

How To Properly Entertain Guests In Your Home For Coffee Or Tea

It’s important to know how to properly entertain when inviting guests into your home.

West Fargo, ND Our staff member who’s considered to be the Fargo-Moorhead area’s Ms. Manners is our very own Ms. Morning Ipson!

Ms. Ipson has a few good tips for when you want to invite someone over to your place for some coffee or tea.

Morning says:

1. Meet the person at the door so you can personally throw their jacket on the floor.

2. If your dog is a barker, one twelve inch piece of duct tape around its mouth should mute the mutt.

3. Have some space cleared off on top of your kitchen table for you and your esteemed guest to sit amongst the towering stacks of magazines you’ve been planning on reading for years.

4. As you invite your honored guest to sit down, pull out an empty chair which you’ve wiped clean within the last month.

5. Offer your special guest either hot coffee or tea, accompanied by a fresh scone or crumpet, and then basically just serve them whatever the hell you have on hand.

6. Keep the conversation limited to small talk, unless your guest mentions anything about President Trump.

7. Have a cute decorative sign pointing to your bathroom which hopefully has been pre-flushed prior to your guest’s arrival.

8. After about an hour of delightful chit chat, tell your guest they now have to leave because you have another guest coming over in ten minutes (it’s not a lie if you believe it).

Interestingly, all of the letters in Morning Ipson can be spun around to spell: Spinning Room!

New Chinese Poodle Puppies Come In Variety Of Colours

You can literally get your Chinese Poodle Pup in any color imaginable.

獣兵衛忍風帖, China – Have you been waiting to get a puppy until new color choices were available? Were you wishing that the colors of Chinese Poodle Puppies were only limited by infinity? Have you been waiting to get a dog that would blow the minds of all your neighbors? Well, your wait is finally over!

Now, thanks to some advanced genetic engineering and a wide variety of new paint colors, you can get your new Chinese Poodle Pup in “pretty much any color or combination of colors” that you might ever want to consider.

Benga Chnikong is the President of the Chinese Poodle Pup Corp: “We are very excited about the future of our industry. After Ping Pong, we hope Chinese Poodle Pups are our second biggest export to the outside world.”

The FM Observer was lucky enough to receive about a dozen Chinese Poodle Pups in a spectral gamut of colours. If you are one of the first twelve people to leave a comment to this post, your name will be entered into a circular file out of which you could win your very own Chinese Poodle Pup. Sorry, only one per person, and you will have to accept the random color you’re given, and no exchanges or returns will be allowed.

Art Show To Help Dog Owners Buy More Dog Food For More Dogs

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“Dog Food Factory” by Amsterdam Douglass

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer will soon be hosting an art sale to help assist pet owners who cannot afford to buy food for their ever-hungry pets.

FMO Staff artist Amsterdam Douglass has donated his famous “Dog Food Factory” painting to get the ball rolling. Hopefully other area artists will jump on board once they see the benefit of helping people feed their dogs so that we can perhaps increase the overall pet population in our area.

Jerry Mumbo, Executive Director of Feed Animals Today (FAT) believes it’s good to increase people’s dependency on supplemental sources of incomes.

“By helping low-income dog owners purchase dog food for their little Shih-Tzus, this might encourage these people to eventually add a dog or two to their pack thus increasing their need for further assistance.” says Jerry.

Mr. Mumbo: “I’m sure everyone agrees it’s a real win/win situation: Hungry dogs get fed. Dog owners have more money to spend on beer and cigarettes. The assistance program creates good-paying jobs, like mine. And finally, neighborhoods throughout our area will end up with more and more dogs to shit in our yards and bark during our sleep.”

If you would like to help, dial any random phone number and tell whomever answers that you love dogs, especially when they’re untrained and off-leash.