Tag Archives: east coast

FEMA Cot Ready For Hurricane Florence

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This government cot is ready to help.

Fort Bragg, NC – In anticipation of hurricane Florence’s arrival, the U.S. government is calmly assuring everyone that it could not be more prepared for what could be the worst storm to ever hit the East coast.

Federal Emergency Management (FEM) proudly announced that it has one cot all ready to go for some lucky person who might perhaps be uprooted by Florence’s ferocity.

FEM administrator Barock Long unveiled the cot to the press corpse while offering these comments:

“I am very confident we are more than prepared for hurricane Florence. Besides this comfortable cot, we also have two battery-powered radios and a few bags of kitty-litter for your pets.”

With September designated as national hurricane preparation month, make sure you know where your family is and that you have a fully stocked liquor cabinet. Remember: You can’t spell Trump without “rum”!

Florida Hurricane Giving Zika Mosquitos A Free Ride To The Entire East Coast

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Mosquitos that carry the Zika are called Mozikos.

Miami, FL – As hazardous Hurricane Hermine passed over Florida, most people were worried about the obvious winds, rains, and flooding from a category one hurricane.

What most people did not realize was that as tropical storm Hermine moved up along the East Coast, the mosquitos that carry the Zika Virus (mozikos) would get transported to new areas of the country.

So now, the toublesome Zika Virus will be spread much further North and much more quickly than previously predicted by the CDC and the FMObserver.

Luckily, your FMObserver has vigilant observers throughout the country who are constantly observing this and other potentially problematic situations, such as the Facebook satellite and Hillary’s hacked email server.