Tag Archives: farmer

Husband Of Peanut Farmer’s Wife Driving Her Nuts

Part of why the peanut farmer’s wife went nuts was because of her husband’s lack of organization and focus along with some other stuff.

Nuttsville, Virginia – Murly Spanielson says her husband is to blame for her having gone completely nuts.

Ironically, Sparky Spanielson, a nut farmer by trade, has said he pleads not guilty to all charges except for maybe the “going nuts” part.

Murly has supposedly gone through all the different stages of going nuts and is currently at Stage #19 where she wants to bring charges to Sparky in the form of two large electrical wires hooked directly up to their 200 amp electrical service box.

Sparky, who literally grows nuts, more and more each year it seems, does admit he has a problem trying to stay focused which leads into his secondary problem of getting and staying somewhat organized.

Relationship counselor Beatrice Nicely says she has never seen anything like it: “Yeah, as a trained professional relationship counselor, I ain’t never seen anything like this, and that’s a for sure!”

If you would like to donate to Murly Spanielson’s gofundme account, simply decide if $100 seems right, or perhaps $250 is more what your gut is telling you on this one.

If you would like to support Sparky Spanielson, he will be giving a demonstration on nut farming in his garage which he is trying to clear out by next Friday. Sparky asks that you bring some random item for him to add to his collection of things to work on once he finishes this year’s nut crop.

North Dakota Farmer Takes Wrong Turn, Never Heard From Again

Shitsville, ND

anywhere, ND

Lisbon, ND – A Lisbon-area wheat farmer has been reported missing. This vast expanse of frozen nothingness has swallowed up yet another victim, it seems, most likely from a missed turn on a gravel road.

Wendell Pierce was reportedly driving back to his farmstead last night after making a trip to Lisbon to pick up a few things. It is believed that during a drive-time fight with a fruit fly in his pickup, Wendell completely spaced turning into his gravel driveway on a remote country road in Southeastern ND and simply kept on going.

Mr. Pierce is now missing. He could be anywhere in the state as he does not own a GPS or a smartphone and the state is mainly comprised of nothing but miles and miles of white tundra bisected by uncharted and poorly-maintained gravel roads.

A statewide search has NOT yet been initiated due to the fact that local search and rescue is too scared to venture out into “The Abyss”. The Observer is asking that you pray like hell he finds his own way back because nobody is crazy enough to go out looking for him.