Tag Archives: golf

After Meeting With Bishops, Rooks, And Pawns, Pope Goes Golfing With Obama

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Right this way to the golf course, Your Popeness!

Washington, DC – After spending a busy day visiting with everyone from top Catholic bishops down to some lowly pawns and paupers, Pope Francis was challenged by President Obama to a friendly round of golf by way of a short ride on Marine One.

As many people know (or don’t know), the Pope is an avid golfer.

The Pope has played many a round of golf with fellow Argentinian Angel Cabrera, who has won both the U.S. Open and the Masters, after having received some helpful golf tips (and spiritual guidance) from the Pope.

Both Pope Frank and President Obama are expected to attend the upcoming world leaders’ invitational golf event in Russia called Puttin’ With Putin.

White House Ebola Response Team Practicing Their Craft

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Ebola Response Team: Practice Makes Perfect

Ebola Response Team: Practice Makes Perfect

Washington, DC – Luckily for the American people, the White House Ebola Response Team (WHERT) is constantly practicing to improve their game.

Top key players of WHERT, including the newly named Ebola Czarina, Dr. Pam Demic, Senior Professor of Ebology from the University of Ebolia, are focusing their main efforts on playing as much golf as possible at as many different golf courses as possible in an effort to make sure that any golf course the President may want to play is a 100% Ebola-free zone.

Realizing the importance of winning the War on Ebola, each WHERT member has a special disinfected smart phone capable of calling the President at the drop of an Ebola-contaminated hat.

One hazmated WHERT member said: “We’ll allow feverish Ebola patients to board commercial airline flights but we will NOT let anyone who’s possibly been exposed to Ebola to get within 10 miles of any golf course that’s on the President’s list.”

WHERT is also working hard to ensure that any future White House intruders that wildly run through the Executive Mansion have not recently flown to the United States from Nigeria, Guinea, or Liberia in the last two months.

Dr. Pam Demic emphasizes that “WHERT will be focused on fighting Ebola so that the President can focus his attention on jobs, the economy, and making sure golfing is safe for all future generations of anyone who survives this untimely and unfortunate Ebola pandemic.”

Fargo Man Forgot How to Golf, It’s Been So Long

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2011-05-07_1512Fargo, ND—The F-M area has finally broken through to springtime after enduring the longest extended winter in its storied history. The cold is on its way out and the golf clubs are too.

Now that most of the icy cobwebs have finally melted into nothing, many of our local golf courses have opened their grounds.

This comes as good news to Chrot Hicks, if only he could understand why. It seems that once upon a time in a past life, Hicks occupied this vast acreage of mowed green grass. The ancient sport of golf was played.

“If I can properly recall…I used to use something called a ‘putter’ and tap a small white orb into an equally small hole in the ground. To the best of my knowledge, that was how I did golf.”

Hicks went on to explain how he couldn’t remember what he did with his “putter” or the rest of his metal hitting sticks he used to play with on the course. He suspects that they disintegrated into nothingness due to the scientific process of sublimation that occurs to solids over very, very long periods of time.

North Dakota State University Bison

Whole Lot of Boner At The Summit League Women’s Golf Championship

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North Dakota State University BisonKELLER, Texas  – The first round of the Summit League women’s championship took place on Monday.

North Dakota State University had four golfers finish in the top ten.  Senior Amy Anderson and freshman Hailey Boner are tied for second place.  They both managed to shoot a 76.

Currently there is a three-way tie for second place with Anderson and Boner while Knutson is part of a three-way tie for fifth place.

Women’s second round play is scheduled to begin at 8 a.m. Tuesday, April 23, and the final round is slated for a 10:15 a.m. start Wednesday, April 24.

Expect to see Boner awake and ready for action bright and early Tuesday morning.  I would expect to see an even more erect and pumped Boner during the final round Wednesday, April 24th.

Boner has nothing to lose.  Boner must get the swing down if she is going to impress her competitors.  Boner should expect to put fear into her opponents by the power and accuracy of her swing.

If Boner’s swing is strong and accurate, it may just intimidate her opponents enough to forfeit.  If Boner is tired and feeling limpy then it may be a long day of golf as her competitors look to pull ahead of her.

If Boner is looking to win, Boner must not forget to wash her balls.  Boner does not want her balls dirty if she is to put them in multiple holes throughout the competition.

We are really rooting for Boner and we wish her the best.  Keep that swing strong Boner!