Tag Archives: night vision

This Month Is National Hallucination Day Month

If you’re seeing things, you’re not the only one. It’s just a sign of the times.

Eastern West Fargo, ND – On top of everything else already going on in the nation, this is also National Hallucination Day Month.

Just imagine an entire month devoting each and every one of its days to honoring everything on the subject of hallucinations.

As the late Dr. Willy Nilly once preached: “The world is one mass hallucination which is why one whole month should be set aside as National Hallucination Day Month.

Some hallucination experts on our highly paid FM Observer staff have some visionary thoughts about hallucinations:

Luciana Hilton, who majored in hallucinations in college says:

Take your hallucinations seriously, but not too seriously, mmkay? Hallucinations are real but the real question is what does real mean? May I kindly suggest that during hallucinations, make a video of them with your smartphone to prove to friends and family that you’re not going completely nuts.

If you see something weird, say something weird.

Latini Calhoun, who is known in our corporate office park as having periodic flashbacks to rock concerts from yesteryear has these thinkings on the matter:

How do you really know if all your perceptions aren’t actually hallucinations? What I’ve found to help is trying to interact with your hallucinations in a simple state of wakeful dreaming. Always remember during National Hallucination Day Month: Hallucinations are as real as your dreams which are as real as your own reality!

Dr. Lilianna Touch of our Human Resources department, also happens to be a licensed hallucinationologist. She believes that having visions without any follow-up action is a hallucination wasted, so therefore act on your visions to reduce your number of hallucinations while increasing the quantity and quality of your visions.

All the letters in hallucination can spell Italiano Lunch, which is kind of pictured here.

Bottom line: During National Hallucination Day Month, when you have to choose between two valid hallucinations, chose the one that best fits the incoming data of your own personal reality in that space time.

Ironically, all of the letters in Luciana Hilton, Latini Calhoun, and Lilianna Touch can be re-arranged to spell: Hallucination!

FMO Considering Selling Prayer Pillows To Help Fund Reader Appreciation Parties

Rest your head on a prayer!

Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer understands the importance of saying a bedtime prayer each and every night before retiring to dreamland. In fact, we believe this has been a big reason why we’ve been so successful at being a non-profit corporation. Things really started to turn around after hiring two full-time chaplains to help guide us spiritually and emotionally through our daily work lives.

To help us give back to our community, we’re considering selling FM Observer Prayer Pillows for the nominal fee of $150 each, which will go directly into our Party Fund.

To maximize your personal prayer power, here are five wonderful choices of prayers for your FMO Prayer Pillow, each one thoughtfully co-written by our two chaplains, Tempie Sadberry and Demetria Presby:

Now I lay me down to rest
After surviving yet another test
Tomorrow will bring more work and play
Hopefully, I’ll make it through another day

Now I crawl into my bed
With lots of thoughts up in my head
If I can’t somehow fall asleep
I’ll take some Xanax and count some sheep

As today is now terminating
Another night is germinating
Hopefully tomorrow will bring good weather
And I can somehow get my shit together

Back in my bedroom once again
Laying in bed, listening to my fan
To wake, I’ve set my digital clock
For protection, I have a loaded glock

Now I lay down on my back
Hoping I don’t have a heart attack
Or suffer a thrombotic stroke
About these things I’ll never joke

Prayerfully, all the letters in both “Tempie Sadberry” and “Demetria Presby” can be re-arranged to spell: Bed-time Prayers!

Military Developing Pink Night Vision Just For Female Fighters

Pink is the new Green.

Pink, Oklahoma – The U.S. Military working in conjunction with the color pink has come up with new pink night-vision goggles for its female fighting force.

The traditional green phosphor night-vision was designed for males whose eyes are more sensitive to the green color pallet.

But Dr. Ivon Pinski who heads up Project Pink says the female eye is most sensitive to fifty shades of pink.

Dr. Pinski: “Ya, we pink this will really help our female combat warriors during night-time missions. Plus it shows we care about all pink causes without having to wear a pink ribbon on their already pink camouflage fatigues.”

Coincidentally, all the letters in Ivon Pinski can be re-arranged into: Pink Vision!