Tag Archives: patriots

Top Ten Things To Do Instead Of Watching The Super Bowl

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In case you don’t feel like watching the Super Bowl, there are some great alternatives.

Fargo, ND – If you’re looking for some fun and different options to do whilst everyone else in the world is watching the Super Bowl ads, we have thoughtfully surveyed the greater Fargo-Moorhead area to come up with some great alternatives for you, boiled down into one short convenient list:

10. Host an Anti-Super Bowl party and watch CNN.

9. Paint your interior walls with a wild jungle scene.

8. Volunteer to work as a bouncer at a local soup kitchen.

7. Go pick out your next pet(s) at the Humane Society.

6. Do comparison price shopping at different grocery stores.

5. Organize all your belongings alphabetically into boxes labeled A-Z.

4. Go door-to-door and ask people what they’re doing?

3. Read the Book of Revelation out loud and then meditate.

2. Discuss the Nunes memo with close friends and family.

1. Watch the Puppy Bowl on the Animal Planet channel.

Tim Tebow Excited To Do Absolutely Nothing For New England

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"Go-Talk Scat-Right-X Media Darling on 3...ready??"

“Go-Talk Scat-Right-X Media Darling on 3…ready??”

Boston, MA—We were just sitting there enjoying a Tebow-free NFL offseason when suddenly the New England Patriots signed the Chosen One to a two-year contract. Damn it. Tim Tebow was plucked from relative obscurity by Bill Belichick and Co. for reasons that have yet to be determined, and nobody could be more excited by this news than Tim.

“I’m excited. The good lord giveth and the good lord taketh away, but this time he giveth to me hard.” Tebow said. Never before has a player meant so much more off the field than he does on it.

The Patriots coaching staff was more or less OK with adding the Could-be Kid to the fold. When asked about how he envisioned Tebow fitting into the gameplan, Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels made his intentions very unclear:

“We are happy about Tim’s attitude and his physical ability. Ever since draft day I’ve watched him develop into kind-of something but not really so we’re excited about that. Sort of. Bottom line is he’s a football player and under contract with our team, so you do the math.”

The team is expected to use Tebow extensively—just not in the way a team normally uses a football player. We anticipate seeing Tebow on camera a lot during the upcoming NFL season. He will be shown in the locker room, on the sideline and at the podium chatting it up with the media. It’s like Morgan Freeman always says, “You either get busy talkin’, or get busy dyin’.”