Tag Archives: sexual assault

Peter Pan Claims He Was Abused By Michael Jackson, Until Tinker Bell Found Out!

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Michael Jackson is looking more and more guilty until disproven innocent.

Neverland, CA – The real Peter Pan is now alleging that the late Michael Jackson sexually abused him in Neverland.

[FMO wonders: Was this the reason why Michael Jackson wrote “I’m Bad, I’m Bad, I’m really, really Bad!?”]

Michael Jackson is posthumously arguing that it never, never happened and all he wanted to do was just sleep with the forever-young Peter Pan.

Peter Pan’s attorneys are saying that Mr. Pan is willing to take a lie-detector test to prove that the truth is on their side (plus, it’s all on videotape).

Luckily for Peter Pan, Tinker Bell was there at the time, to protect him from Michael’s alleged lewd advances.

Once Tinker Bell caught wind of what was going on, she used her formidable Pixie Dust powers to thwart Michael’s possible pedophiliac activities post haste.

Grade School Goes Into Emergency Lockdown When Catholic Priest Tries To Enter The Building

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St. Peter Elementary School attacked by devilish Catholic priest.

Devils Elbow, Missouri – After seeing a Catholic priest trying to gain access to their grade school, St. Peter Elementary School went into full emergency lock-down to protect the children inside.

In the wake of The Pope’s recent comments that The Devil was to blame for all of the Catholic Church’s pervasive sexual abuse problems, it was very unnerving to see a robed Catholic priest trying to enter the school, according to all inside the building.

A middle-aged priest named Father Lucifer Hades, who was wearing an all-red robe and cap, continually tried to enter the school through each and every door while carrying and fondling his rosary, resulting in screaming children every time he gazed into a window.

One extremely distraught teacher who witnessed the attack said: “I have never been so afraid in all my life. We told all the kids to shelter in place while we called 9-1-1.”

Many Now See The Catholic Church As Institutionalized Pedophilia

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Maybe not allowing Catholic priests to marry wasn’t such a great idea after all.

Vaticano – After endless stories of sexual abuse gradually see the light of day, many people, when they now think of the Catholic Church, primarily see it as an institution cloaked with chronic, criminal, pedophiliac activities.

To make matters worse, if that’s even possible, is that many of the abusive Catholic leaders threatened their young and innocent victims with eternal damnation if they ever spoke of the evil inflicted upon them by these supposedly godly men.

It seems the ones who should be worried about eternal damnation are the priests, bishops, archbishops, and cardinals who chose to “exercise their authority” in ways that normally would get one sent to prison for life.

If all the perpetrators involved are planning on avoiding any serious punishment by saying their sins are simply forgiven, then too, those who may inflict severe corporal punishment on them will also have their sins forgiven.