Tag Archives: shark

Fargo Family Denied Permission To Adopt Hammerhead Shark

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Fargo family believes this hammerhead is their Uncle Martin, who recently drowned in the Pacific.

Fargo, ND – In an unusual story, a Fargo family who was planning on adopting a live hammerhead shark has been denied permission to do so.

Because they strongly believe that this particular full-size hammerhead shark is the reincarnation of their recently deceased Uncle Martin, they had already turned their basement into a large saltwater holding tank.

City Commissioners unanimously voted down the idea after the matter came up at their last meeting, with this comment:

“The City of Fargo is utterly dumbfounded by this request, and since we’re not in the business of crazy, we hereby deny this request for this family to adopt Uncle Hammerhead.”

What are your thoughts on this matter?

Swimmer Spotted Running On Water After Shark Sighting

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unnamedMiami, FL – A swimmer got quite a scare yesterday afternon.  So scared that he did the impossible, ran on water.

Jason Hutson was swimming off the beach in Miami when he felt something hit his left ankle. That’s when Jason looked down and said he saw about a 15ft shark.

Shawn, who was swimming about 50ft away, said he seen Mr. Hudson scream and then flail around frantically.  “That’s when I saw him rise out of the water and run for shore.  You heard that right.  I saw him running on water.”

Jason Hudson says that he was just so scared that he just started running and flailing around as fast as he could to get away.

“I wasnt trying to run on water.  I was just literally scared shitless.  I may have pooped a little. I mean, imagine looking at a 15ft shark in the face!”

As far as our research goes, we believe Jason Hudson is the first human to ever run on water.  Scholars state that since Jesus was technically a zombie, Mr. Hudson is indeed the first person to walk on water.

Beach officials state they did spot a shark a couple of days earlier and that swimmers should be extra careful out there and to report any shark sightings immediately.

Beautiful Meadow A Killing Field For LandShark

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Don't be deceived by the tranquil appearance of this lovely meadow.

Don’t be deceived by the tranquil appearance of this lovely meadow.

Meadowlands, MN – We are standing at the spot of a LandShark attack.

Some call it the Bermuda Triangle of the North. Others simply call it the LandShark Lunchroom.

Is this for real or just another Facebook Folklore?

Dr. Scarlet Tanager says it is as real as real mayonnaise. “If you got fatally stung by a jellyfish, would that be real?” she asks.

Dr. Tanager, a leading LandShark expert, describes them as having the size of BigFoot, the personality of an African Killer Bee, and more teeth than a Denture Factory.

But why Minnesota? Dr. Tanager says it’s all about the element of surprise. “It would be similar to getting hit by a train, when you’re not even standing on railroad tracks.”

Because of the recent LandShark attacks, Minnesota children no longer go outdoors to play.

A common reason to stay inside is: “I want to play video games and update my Facebook page.” What they’re really saying is: “There’s no fricking way I am going to be an appetizer for a LandShark on the loose!”