Tag Archives: sinkhole

Red River Diversion Still Trying To Begin Long After It Should Have Been Finished

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Is the Red River Diversion project dead in the water?

Moorhead, MN – In an effort to explain why the Red River Diversion project is still only in the early planning stages, there will be a public meeting to answer questions from frustrated citizens.

One question might be: After decades of discussion and planning, how is it that we are still only at the stage of talking about an environmental impact statement?

Another reasonable question: If the upcoming permit application process goes well, how long after that will it be until the Red River Diversion project is completely finished and ready for a big flood?

At the September 13th public meeting in Moorhead, decaf coffee and doughnut holes will be provided for the first five hundred people to show up.

To save money, the doughnut holes will be the actual holes that remain after the dough is removed from the inside of a doughnut.

Psychic Predicts Large Number Of Fargo Sinkholes To Appear In The Coming Months

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Psymon Soothsayer says: “This is the first of many chasms to come.”

Fargo, ND – A well-known psychic has predicted that Fargo will soon be riddled with many good-sized sinkholes.

Psymon Soothsayer recently went on the record with the FMObserver and prognosticated that “numerous sinkholes will soon be forthcoming in and around Fargo, with the first one to manifest itself just north of the West Acres area.”

Now that it’s happened (at the intersection of 9th Avenue South and 42nd Street), city officials are giving Psymon Soothsayer’s sinkhole prediction much more credibility.

Psome of Psymon’s other recent predictions that have turned out to be correct include:

> The Minnesota Twins would have a dismal year.
> Donald Trump would become the presumptive GOP nominee.
> Prince would unexpectedly expire without a will.
> The Rio Olympics would be moved to Zanzibar due to The Zika.

If you discover a new sinkhole in the Fargo area, please report it to the Fargo Sinkhole Hotline: 1-800-SINKHOLE.

If you end up down inside a sinkhole, it’s probably best to call 9-1-1!

Zombie Jimmy Hoffa Emerges From South Fargo Sinkhole

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Cell phone photograph of Zombie Jimmy Hoffa inside the sinkhole!

Fargo, ND – After many years of wondering, pontificating and scouring its whereabouts, the location of Jimmy Hoffa’s body has finally revealed itself. Shortly after a gaping sinkhole opened up on 9th avenue and 42nd Street south, the zombified body of the notedly-vanished former Teamster’s Union President slowly emerged.

Seen via cell phone footage: “No employer really accepts a union,” said Zombie Hoffa from inside what is and has apparently been his grave for over 40 years. “People have a right to a fair day’s wage for a fair day’s work.” 

Hoffa continued to blather on and on about unions and fairness until a conspicuously nearby Speaker Of The House Paul Ryan kicked him back into the hole.

It is believed that this F-M area “sinkhole” has been Hoffa’s government witness protection facility since his disappearance in 1975.

Large Sinkhole Creates New Minnesota Lake: Lots Selling Quickly

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Minnesota: The Land Of 10,001 Lakes

Sinkhole, MN – After a large sinkhole unexpectedly created a new lake in Northern Minisoda, realtors are wasting no time selling front row seats to the new gem.

The sinkhole, which is approximately 166 feet deep, naturally filled with early melting Spring snow due to Global Warming.

Geologist Marc Richlander: “It is rare that we get to witness what normally takes a million geological years to happen, and see it all unfold in a matter of mere weeks.”

Realtor Paddy Swanson: “Yes, we’ve already sold zero lots on the new Sinkhole Lake and are expecting to sell a lot more!”

Minnesota DNR Field Commander: “We are hoping to get Sinkhole Lake stocked with fish and zebra mussels as soon as possible.”

New York Sinkhole Continues To Swallow Victims

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"Sinkhole to Hell" has a voracious appetite.

“Sinkhole to Hell” has a voracious appetite.

New York, NY – It started out as just a small pothole. Then it became a bigger pothole. Then it became one of the seven great wonders of New York.

A sinkhole the size of a New York intersection opened up in midtown Manhattan. Some call it the Hole To Hell. Some call it a death trap.

Rocco Pisano, who is in charge of Street Maintenance for the City of New York says: “Forget about it. We might just have to live with it.”

Nobody knows exactly how deep the sinkhole goes or how they would go about trying to fill it. Respected sinkhole expert Dr. Dennis Joska explains that “some of these stinkin’ holes can go down a frickin’ mile, and they really piss me off.”

In the meantime, New York shoppers and commuters (and taxi cab drivers) will have to steer clear of this deep problem. Rocco admits: “We don’t know zactly how many people or cars have been swallowed up by this monster of a hole. But we do know that more and more people go missing everyday!”