Police Dog Licks Man To Death

My Friend Slicka

Lickota, ND – A man was reportedly licked to death while attending a police Meet and Greet social event.

The man, whose name is not being released until his family is notified, was identified as Mucciolo Knight from Lickinson, North Dakota.

The dog, a German shepherd that was raised in the Norwegian town of Lickehammer, was named Slicka, which also happens to be the Norwegian command “to lick”.

An eye witness at the event said Mr. Knight, who was greeted by Slicka near the punch bowl, kept on saying the dog’s name repeatedly while the highly trained police dog was simply responding to its “lick” command.

Ironically, all of the letters in Mucciolo Knight can be re-arranged to spell: Too Much Licking!

Fargo, ND—Are you familiar with the term “social injustice”? It’s used to classify the perceived unfairness taking place in society today. Depending on who you ask, it happens all the time. For instance: take one glance at FOX News or MSNBC and you’ll be shown a controversial political viewpoint you’re either fine with or you’re not. These types of ideologies are ok with Fargo man Ed Wiltz.

“Elected officials are placed in this position of power by us, the voters. Far as I’m concerned, they can do what they want once they get there,” explained Wiltz as an exhausted look fell over his face. Wiltz trusts the oftentimes bizarre decision-making process of political parties like the GOP, even though they make him scratch his head. “They like to come down on the gays and the minorities and women. And that’s fine, I suppose. Gays don’t need to be happy. Minorities don’t need to flourish. Women don’t need to decide who does their plumbing.”

Wiltz, 72, has been alive long enough to see the differences in governmental practice over the years. “Back when I was your age, son, I saw other races get physically pushed to their emotional limits by way of segregation. Now’days, segregation’s gone, but government’s found other ways of shoving minorities into the corner. They don’t even have to touch ’em.”

Wiltz continued to declare that the injustice is incremental in that it’s perpetrated by the 1% in tiny, unattainable spurts and is not something we peasants have the ability to fight, but we should try anyway.