Tag Archives: sports

LEAKED: Jim Harbaugh text message conversation with John Harbaugh!

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As i’m sure everyone is aware, the two head coaching brothers John and Jim Harbaugh will be leading their respective teams against each other in the Super Bowl this February 3rd. They have been a competitive pair of siblings ever since their childhood days and judging from past performance, their blood runs hot with the desire to win.

As reported by CBS Baltimore, the two brothers have been exchanging only text messages prior to the big game. Upon hearing this news, I became unnaturally curious as to what was being said so I did what any aggressively curious person would: I decided to magically obtain a hacked text message conversation between the two brothers. The following is a transcript of Jim texting on the right (green) with John replying on the left (grey):

Xv9AlLBoUXdK10-OJHvLN7Sl-dqe7-C77URmcKGLolU

FK3g3Nxu-GqQA0SNXTAsOVG76Q4iSJasAbuZfLVrVAY

 

It would appear we have quite the sibling rivalry on our hands here! What better way to finally prove who is the better brother than beating him in the Super Bowl. This rivalry is sure to escalate over the coming days as the Har-Bowl gets closer. We will keep you updated.

NFL players breathe sigh of relief after not making Pro Bowl

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Coaches stand on the field DURING THE GAME for christ's sake

Coaches stand on the field DURING THE GAME for pete’s sake

New York, NY – The National Football League Pro Bowl roster was announced recently, and much to the relief of many players around the league, they were not included. The Pro Bowl has become an inconvenience of sorts for NFL players. Especially the ones who don’t make the playoffs and would rather move on with their lives than lace ’em up for one more completely meaningless game.

Players are over the Pro Bowl. All it really means anymore is a free trip to Hawaii and a small monetary bonus. Take it from one of the league’s top defensive players, Seattle Seahawks CB Richard Sherman. Sherman was asked by the Associated Press what his thoughts were after being left off the Pro Bowl roster:

“It don’t mean nothing. I bet you I’ll be on the first-team All-Pro. That means more to me.”

For a rookie or a player relatively new to the league, it might be a big deal. But to the seasoned veteran who flies to Hawaii year after year, it’s gotten to be pretty mundane. Players show up, goof around and don’t really compete due to the threat of injury. Hell, both they and the fans have more fun in the skills competition than the actual game.

That being said, congratulations are still in order for Adrian Peterson and Peyton Manning for making the Pro Bowl roster. They fought off career-threatening injuries only to come back and rip apart NFL defenses. For the rest of you: suck it up and go to Hawaii or we’ll vote you into the 2013 NFL Diva Squad.

Vikings bench Ponder, replace him with broomstick

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4853845532_747e8c0c83_bMinneapolis, MN – There is much rejoicing to be done today as the Minnesota Vikings coaching staff has finally pulled the plug on the Ponder experiment. Head Coach Leslie Frazier:

“Ponder was a guy who we thought could fill the role of ‘game manager’ quite nicely. A guy who could hand the ball off on 1st and 2nd down and if we needed a small handful of yards to convert 3rd down, he could throw a quick out to the tight end. However, we’re not converting 3rd downs and Ponder has thrown for fewer yards than Adrian Peterson has run for in three of our past five games. Enough is enough.”

Coach went on to say that Ponder is “just getting in the way” and that a broomstick would serve as a “sufficient decoy”. The Vikings plan to prop up their decoy against the center, helmet dangling from the broom bristles as the center snaps the ball directly to Adrian Peterson.

Too little too late? This benching comes with only 3 games left to play in the regular season. The Vikings need to basically run the table and get help from other teams in order to make the playoffs. Starting quarterback Broom Stick will wear jersey # 13. Look for him(?) behind center this Sunday against St. Louis.

WNBA game suspended after ball gets stuck between rim and backboard

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ballstuck_1Minneapolis, MN – A recent professional Women’s National Basketball Association game between the Minnesota Lynx and the Atlanta Dream suffered a stoppage in play after the ball became lodged between the rim and the backboard.

A Lynx player went for a fast-break layup only to see her shot get stuck, and as her attempts to rebound the ball became futile other Lynx team members and opposing players gave it their best try but none came close. Players offered to form a type of human pyramid to try to obtain the ball but the training staff and league officials would not allow it.

The officiating crew requested help from the crowd, but attendance for the evening’s game consisted of roughly 150 unenthusiastic fans not willing to provide assistance. Coaches and players then proceeded to throw water bottles at the ball to dislodge it, but to no avail.

Seeing as though the nearest Home Depot was 20 minutes away, purchasing a ladder became an unavailable option. Referees suspended play after efforts to remove the ball fell short.

Bill Burns Wins RRVF Minnow Racing Championship

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2012-07-13 19.31.03

Bill Blows

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer’s own Bill Burns took home the Red River Valley Fair Minnow Racing Tournament championship trophy Friday with what many in the minnow racing community are calling a truly legendary performance. Bill threw his hat in the ring knowing full well what was at stake: a shot at claiming the title of “best damn minnow racer the fair has ever seen”. Well, folks, he delivered.

Bill dropped his minnow in the stream, plunged his straw in and blew his brains out until each minnow made its way to the finish ahead of his opponent’s. Quarterfinal, semifinal, and championship opponents were all completely blown away by Bill’s red-faced efforts. As witness to this magnificent test of internal fortitude, I can honestly say that Bill put forth a hall-of-fame-worthy effort. One for the ages.

The FM Observer will be sponsoring Bill on his national Minnow Racing tour as he travels the countryside capturing trophies from fairs across the United States in pursuit of the National Championship. Congratulations Bill, and best of luck on tour!


Zygi Wilf asks Viking fans to start thinking of new team name

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Minneapolis, MN – As the twilight years of yet another Minnesota sports team near their bittersweet end, the owner of the Minnesota Vikings is keeping the lines of communication with the fan base open. Knowing that a stadium deal will likely not get done, thus forcing the team out of town, Zygi Wilf is reaching out to fans to seek their opinion on where they’d like to see the team go and what to call it. In a statement on his website, Mr. Wilf had this to say:

Dear Minnesota sports fans,

It’s been a nice run, but as i’m sure most of you are aware, the Vikings of Minnesota are almost certainly on their way out of town. Lawmakers in the state are seemingly incapable of coming to an agreement on a multi-million dollar sports complex (which I am willing to help fund 🙂 so leave me out of this). This begs the question: What do you want to call your new team? Here are a few catchy names i’ve been batting around so far. Let me know your thoughts:

Los Angeles Blaze

Los Angeles Stardust

Los Angeles Mudslide

Or if we move to England:

London Crumpetmashers

London Fogs

Please leave all thoughts/votes in the comments section of the site. Keep your negative comments to yourself kthanksBAI.

Yours, 

Zygi

This is a sad time for Minnesota sports. Another team jumping ship for no reason other than politics. First the Lakers, then the North Stars and now our beloved Vikings. Hey, sports teams…

Y U NO STAY MINNE SOTA??????


Michael Jordan is the worst at something

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Greatness

Greatness

Charlotte, NC – Legendary NBA baller Michael Jordan is worldly renowned for being the best professional basketball player of all time. ON the court. These days, his Airness has been occupying the complete opposite end of the NBA spectrum. He’s a majority owner of the worst professional basketball team around. The Charlotte Bobcats of the NBA are so terrible, they’ve won only 7 out of 66 games this season making that a win percentage of .106!

It’s mostly due to the unparalleled will and desire of Jordan, who in a recent post-game interview broke it down for the Observer:

“I have been dominating the game of basketball ever since college. I have quieted every single one of my doubters and haters. Frankly, I’ve gotten complacent with success so this year I’ve made the decision to fail. Gonna try it out. I plan to prove the doubters right and silence everyone who thought I could do it, who thought I could helm a successful team OFF the court.”

Air Jordan can be seen sitting courtside during most of the team’s games, presumably to strike fear and intimidation into his own squad. His presence seems to have a negative impact on the team as the Bobcats simply refuse to win under His Greatness’s watchful eye. Air is dominating the game like he always has. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

Twins Baseball Preview: Ron Gardenhire promises to lose at least 80 games in 2012

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Fort Myers, FL – In the midst of Minnesota Twins baseball spring training, skipper Ron Gardenhire is already making some bold predictions for the upcoming 2012 season. When asked how he thought his team looked so far this preseason, Gardy had this to say:

“I’d like to think we’ll contend for last place in the American League again this year, but personally, I think barely missing a Wild Card berth is more realistic. That’s going to require us losing quite a few games. If we really band together as a ballclub and play as lousy as we did in 2011, i’d say we could lose as many as 80 games this year. With the M&M boys (Mauer & Morneau) looking sluggish and overpaid and a shaky pitching rotation that includes a very suspect bullpen, we will lose 80 games or more. That’s a guarantee.”

Gardy went on to say that he thinks that the Tigers are loaded and will definitely sweep the Twins this year and win the division.