Most likely everyone you know will be watching The Stoner Bowl 2014.  However, you hate football and have no interest in watching grown adults wrastle each other over cow skin.  Here are 5 simple things you can do instead of watch the game.

1. Give Yourself Money

Go and find all the money in your house.  Give it to yourself over and over again until the game is over.

2. Find Jesus

This will keep you busy for years.  You probably won’t find him in 4 hours but don’t give up!  Keep looking!

3. Drink To Pass Out

Don’t drink to get a buzz.  Drink to pass out.  Drink a ton of alcohol and pass out for hours.  By the time you wake up, the game will be over.

4. Literally smoke a Super Bowl.

Smoke a huge super bowl by yourself.  Go downstairs or anywhere that is far away from everyone watching the game, put some headphones on and listen to classical music for 4 hours straight.

5.  Knock Yourself Out

If all 4 of the above ideas don’t work, knock yourself out.  Find the hardest object you have laying around the house and hit yourself over the head until you pass out. When you wake up, game ova.

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Bill Burns

Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.

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