Fargo, ND – Apparently Paul McCartney enjoyed playing his music in Fargo so much, that he’s coming back for an encore concert.
“Yah, I really got a kick out of Fargo, so we decided to do it again, yah know?” he said during an exclusive interview. “But this next time around, I am going to play all different songs, and play them right-handed, just to switch things around a bit.”
His “BE RIGHT BACK” concert is “unprecedented”, says Nigel Banks, who works as a self-employed concert expert specializing in British concert tour scheduling history. “He must really like Fargo. Fargo should be quite proud of this.”
Fargodome officials are “simply delighted” that Sir Paul wants to return for another concert. “No firm dates have yet been decided upon, but we’ll figure something out! You can count on that!” tweeted the Fargodome.
Some on-the-street reactions to this big news: “Wasn’t Paul McCartney just here last year?” “This is some kind of joke, right?” “Since I missed him the first time, this is very good news.” “He is ambidextrous, too?”
Watch for further details about Sir Paul McCartney’s BE RIGHT BACK concert on your local news channels. (There is even some talk that he might be looking into buying a home in the Fargo area.)
Detroit Lakes, MN – The drunkenly popular WE Fest celebration of country music at the Soo Pass Ranch has been cancelled for 2014 due to serious health concerns.
The annual outdoor music festival was scheduled for August 7-8-9 but fans will have to wait until 2015 to see their favorite country music stars, such as Travis Tritt and Brad Paisley.
Minnesota health officials have discovered a massive infestation of ticks carrying a deadly disease which causes an acute inflammation of the spleen.
Dr. Willy Nilly of the CDC: “We have never seen such a large population of dangerous ticks like this before. The lovely meadows and woods surrounding the Soo Pass Ranch near Lake Sallie are literally crawling with ticks. They may have been recently transported here by federal agents bringing illegal aliens up to this region from the Texas border. The strain of spleenitis that these ticks are carrying basically causes an infected person to bleed to death within 48 hours.”
WE Fest organizers have changed this year’s slogan from “Living The Dream in 2014” to “Save Your Spleen in 2014”. They say that “all 2014 tickets will be honored in 2015 for the exact same line-up of country music sensations, such as: Jason’s Aldean and Ashley’s Monroe.”
“If folks do want to getogether this year somewhere besides the infested Soo Pass Ranch, we will have a karaoke contest every day in the parking lot of the Detroit Lakes Walmart, which will be hosted by Scotty McCreery of American Idol fame.”
UPDATE: This post is completely fictitious (not real). WE Fest 2014 has not been cancelled.
First of all, that’s not a glitch in your web browser title. That’s just how original mr. dolla sign is. Replacing the S with a $ symbol. So very clever. Never seen that before.
Alright, now to the terrible song lyrics of the week. These lyrics belong to the great Lupe Fiasco and features another great genius, Ty Dolla $ign. Remember it’s Sign with the $. Watch out when these two get together.
This one is simple. I’m going to post the song lyrics and then at the end I’m going to reveal to you how many times Mr. Fiasco used the words “Next To It“. Ready? You are free to count along with us.
[Produced by Ty Dolla $ign and Shafiq Husayn]
[Intro: Lupe Fiasco]
Next to it, do it, do it, do it, do it
Next to it, do it, do it , do it, do it
[Verse 1: Lupe Fiasco]
Money ain’t shit when there’s wealth next to it
Wealth ain’t shit when there’s health next to it
In the lane with nobody else next to it
Ain’t get here by myself, lot of help next to it
Word to chilly chill, that’s myself let’s do it
1st and 15 ent, FNF music
Album number 5, aye nigga, let’s do it
Don’t say my name, unless my city next to it
Anything look good with a titty next to it
And if the titty got a face that’s pretty next to it
Riding around town something really exclusive
Bump a little Pac with some Biggie next to it
Nigga that’s love with a twist next to it
Nigga that’s a blood with a crip next to it
At the Bulls game, like a tree — gift next to it
Yes, nigga that’s the floor and I sit next to it
[Hook: Ty Dolla $ign]
Everybody look better with a bitch, next to it
Rollie on a wrist lets do it
Top down on a whip that’s roofless
Ain’t impressed, it’s the bitch that do it, Let’s do it
Club ain’t turned ‘less some bitches into it
It’s the bitch that do it
[Verse 2: Lupe Fiasco]
Crib ain’t shit unless a whip next to it
Whip ain’t shit unless Benz next to it
But a Benz ain’t shit when a Rari next to it
Rari ain’t shit when a Zonda next to it
Really tell a difference when a Honda next to it
But a Honda is the shit when you jogging next to it
‘Cause this a baby momma with a condom next to it
‘Cause this a miracle I’m still rockin’ let’s do it
Still need a comma with a zero next to it
Then another comma with a zero next to it
Then a zero next to it and a zero next to it
Then another fuckin’ comma then a zero next to it
Nigga, what we talkin’ that’s a million, let’s do it
Nigga, What we talkin’ that’s a million, let’s do it
Still at the bottom with a million next to it
‘Cause a million ain’t shit with a billion next to it
A billion ain’t shit when a trillion next to it
Captain save a ho she want a hero next to it
But I ain’t tryna hear it, put my ear up next to it
Cause it’s kinda strange got a wierdo next to it
Nigga, your wallet got a robber next to it
Black ski mask with a chopper next to it
You might need a bed with a doctor next to it
But nigga I ball like soccer next to it
Let’s do it
[Hook: Ty Dolla $ign]
[Verse 3: Lupe Fiasco]
Nigga my hood feel like heaven
With third worlds next to it
But nigga we good but we’ll be even better
With thirty girls next to us
Yeah, the White House had a trap next to it
Yeah nigga that’s a fact next to it
My house had a trap next to it
Ay nigga where’s the house, let’s do it
Your chest ain’t shit unless a chain next to it
Chain ain’t shit unless gold next to it
Gold ain’t shit when a diamond next to it
Your beat ain’t shit unless I’m rhyming next to it
(Huh, huh) Shinning next to it
Shit ain’t real can’t find her next to it
Nigga let’s park it on the red carpet
Grammy Awards my momma next to it
[Hook: Ty Dolla $ign]
What did you get?
Let me know because I LOST COUNT!!!!
You can listen to the entire song below.
By the way, I counted 46 times and I don’t care to confirm. All I know is it’s 46 times too many.
“It’s only after we’ve done everything that we’re free to do anything” was what Tyler Durden said in the movie Fight Club (or something like that–I may have slightly butchered the quote). That holds true with Buzz Osborne of the Melvins. It almost seems like he’s done everything: over 30 recorded albums in addition to more than 2,000 live shows covers a ton of ground. He’s produced over 30 years of sonically-intimidating grunge, metal and semi-acoustic but not quite full-blown acoustic rock. That is, until this most recent solo album for which he’s touring our great country to promote.
“This Machine Kills Artists” steers completely away from Melvins tradition in that it features Buzz, alone with an instrument that he’s spent the past few decades mastering. It’s not typically loud, but it’s not that quiet either:
I enjoyed it as a change-of-pace collection of tracks (you get 17 total). It’s not terribly folk-y, so don’t expect to hear Jack Johnson or Neil Young. Think the Melvins, but sans the electric amps and percussion. Anyhow, the purpose here is not to promote the album alone, but an intimate live performance of it. Buzz takes the Aquarium stage by himself on Thursday, 6/26 to not simply play a gig, but to provide a sort of storytelling experience interlaced with songs from the album.
If you go:
Thursday, June 26th @ The Aquarium, 226 Broadway N, Fargo, ND
Fargo, ND – When a disagreement over how her groceries were being bagged escalated into a screaming brawl, Wanda Tite found herself in handcuffs. Charged with public disturbance, harassment and assault, the mother of three thought she would simply pay her fine and go back to being the boss of everyone in her meticulously organized and disinfected life. She was wrong.
Upon hearing the details of the case, Judge Mel Lowe handed down what some are calling a “radical but awesome” ruling, sentencing Mrs. Tite to 100 hours of jazz music. Terms of the sentence state that the hours are to be endured consecutively in the dark back room of a local dive bar.
The courtroom was silent as Judge Lowe issued his sentence. “If I understand correctly, you went ballistic in a grocery store because your oranges were bagged with your cheese, is that right? You, ma’am, are a control freak. You have a problem. Until you realize that, you are a ticking time bomb in our community. As such, you will learn the hard way what it feels like to have no control whatsoever. You will experience the futility of trying to impart order on an orderless world. This will be your rock bottom. You, ma’am, will listen to jazz.”
Witnesses claim that after hearing the ruling, Wanda Tite frantically tried to straighten all the chairs in the courtroom before curling up in a corner and pulling out all her eyelashes. She was eventually carried away screaming “How can you do this?! Jazz?! I’d rather be dead! You sadist!”
As he brought down his gavel, Judge Lowe was reportedly overheard saying, “Beebeddy bop-zop sooowop-zop bippedy zoowww, next case.”
This week’s Terrible Song Lyrics of The Week go to Miley Cyrus and her song We Can’t Stop. “We Can’t Stop” is off her fourth studio album Bangerz (2013). It was released on June 3, 2013 by RCA Record.
Alright, i’ll start off with the first chorus.
“It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can see who we want (2x)”
Something must have happened to a party hosted by Miley Cyrus before for her to be so defensive about her party. She keeps stating they can ‘do what they want.’
“Red cups and sweaty bodies everywhere
Hands in the air like we don’t care
Cause we came to have so much fun now
Bet somebody here might get some now”
If there are sweaty bodies everywhere, I’m betting NOBODY is going to get some. Gross.
“If you’re not ready to go home
Can I get a hell no
Cause we gonna go all night
Till we see the sunlight alright”
I’m suspecting she might have some meth or coke at the party as they are going to stay up until sunlight.
“So la da di da di, we like to party
Dancing with Miley
Doing whatever we want
This is our house
This is our rules
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Can’t you see it’s we who own the night
Can’t you see it we who bout’ that life
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We run things, Things don’t run we
We don’t take nothing from nobody”
This is where the party dives into bad things happening. They ‘can’t stop.’ This is serious issue. Again, probably meth or coke is involved here.
More chorus
“It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can see who we want”
“To my home girls here with the big butt
Shaking it like we at a strip club
Remember only God can judge ya
Forget the haters cause somebody loves ya
And everyone in line in the bathroom
Trying to get a line in the bathroom
We all so turned up here
Getting turned up, yeah, yeah”
Aha! My suspicions are correct. Everyone is in line in the bathroom trying to actually GET a line. Busted.
More chorus. This song has two choruses if you haven’t noticed yet because ya know, one isn’t enough.
“So la da di da di, we like to party
Dancing with Miley
Doing whatever we want
This is our house
This is our rules
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Can’t you see it’s we who own the night
Can’t you see it we who bout’ that life
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We run things
Things don’t run we
We don’t take nothing from nobody”
More chorus ….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
“It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can see who we want”
It’s our party we can do what we want to
It’s our house we can love who we want to
It’s our song we can sing if we want to
It’s my mouth I can say what I want to
Yea, Yea, Yeah”
Finally we will end it with what? MORE CHORUS OF COURSE!
“And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Can’t you see it’s we who own the night
Can’t you see it we who bout’ that life
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We run things
Things don’t run we
We don’t take nothing from nobody
Yea, Yea, Yea”
Here is the video to this terrible song. You know a song will be a pop hit when it has two or more choruses. Two or more choruses automatically equals utter shit.
The FM Observer is proud to introduce a hot new 2-man White Rap Group to the Rap World. They are from Fargo, North Dakota and their name is: Killa Vanilla.
FMO: What are your names and how would you describe your rap?
KV: Our names are John Wilcox (left) and Nick Gilborn (right) and our rap music is best described as White Motivational Rap.
FMO: Do you have any favorite rappers that might be considered your idols or mentors?
KV: No, not really. We kind of do our own thing.
FMO: Are you planning on just being a 2-man group?
KV: Eventually we would like to add some female back-ups and call them The Waifs (as in our favorite cookies, the Vanilla Wafers, do you know what I’m saying?)
FMO: Can you give us a flavor of some of your lyrics?
KV: Certainly. Thank you for asking. Here’s a song called “I Am Losing It” which should be on our first album:
I am losing it, and I’m losing it bad, yo Used to be happy but now I’m so sad, yo Everyone telling me what I shood do, yo Paint this car red, no now paint it blue, yo Bringing in treats, hiding behind my back, yo Cupcakes laced with crack, heart attack, yo yo, yo Break it down brother, cuz I need a beer, yo It’s time to go, go, cuz we are OUTTA HERE, yo!
FMO: That is amazing! How did you get the name Killa Vanilla?
KV: That name came from a song called “The Peeps In Our Hood”, which should be on our second album:
The peeps in our hood down wits us, nice to know ya We gots the street cred and a resume to show ya Do you know what i’m saying now Mister Gorilla We now hava name and it be: Killa Vanilla Trying so hard to always give our maxilla Mascot’s in a cage cuz it a full grown chinchilla We’re always on vacation living in a new villa Prince Charles agrees and so does Camilla.
FMO: Well, that is very kick ass. Thanks for sharing. Have you entered any competitions yet?
KV: We signed ourselves up for the White Rap Competition down there in Dubuque, Iowa. Hopefully we can take home a 1st place trophy.
FMO: You certainly should win with such genius lyrics. The peeps down in Iowa are in for a real treat when you guys from Fargo show up. Have you written anything special for that particular competition?
KV: We wrote this one especially for the White Rap Competition. We think it could possibly break into the Top Ten White Motivational Raps. It’s called: “Break It Down For Me Sucker”, and it should be on our third album:
Break it down for me sucker cuz you know i’m the boss Every rhyme’s a winner even when it seems like a loss My teeth and gums are healthy even though i don’t floss I sleep for free when i want at the local red cross Break it down for me sucker cuz you know i be great My sisters are lezbo but somehow i ended up straight Waking up early and busting rhymes until late Foreigners listen to me cuz we take time to translate If you need any help call the Secretary of State Break it down for me sucker, yeah Break it down for me sucker, yeah Break it down for me sucker, no Break it down for me sucker, yo We outta here.
This weeks Best Rap Lyrics of The Week award go to the late and great DMX. Is he still in jail? Anyways, this is from the song Here Comes The Boom. An older song but so so great. A sniplet of some of the best lyrics ever concocted is listed below. You may enjoy the song in it’s entirely below also.
Chump nigga, I stomp a mud hole in your face
Muthafucka, rip your butthole outta place
Cock the glock to your head, let off about two in it
Yea its a dirty job but I just love doin it.
That is fantastic. Nobody wants their butthole ripped outta place. Enjoy this classic song below. It is worth turning up real loud if you actually have a nice sound system.
“Love Me” is a song by Lil Wayne, released on January 18, 2013 as the third single from his upcoming tenth studio album I Am Not a Human Being II (2013).
Lil Wayne has got that A1 credit at that Filet Mignon. Basically this entire song is about banging bitches. I lost count of how many times the word bitches and niggas were used. Lets just say, A LOT. Solid writing skills here. I think this is the first time I read some lyrics and i’m like ‘Ewww’.’ No I’m not getting older. The lyrics are just ewww.
It’s probably a good thing the song is autotune because, man, this song would suck so bad. Singing these lyrics to any women are sure to get them to love you.
See for yourself. I have posted these glorious, genius written lyrics below. Don’t forgot to watch the video. Probably one of the best music vidoes to ever have been made.
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge:]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
[Verse 1: Lil’ Wayne]
Pussy-ass n-ggas stop hatin’
Lil’ Tunechi got that fire
And these hoes love me like Satan…
F-ck with me and get bodied
And all she eat is dick
She on a strict diet
That’s my baby
With no makeup she a ten
And she the best with head
Even better than Corinne
She don’t want money
She want the time we could spend
She said “cause I really need somebody,
So tell me you’re that somebody”
And girl, I f-ck who I want
And f-ck who I don’t
Got that A1 credit
At that Filet Mignon
She say “I never wanna you make you mad,
I just wanna make you proud”
I say “baby, just make me cum,
Then don’t make a sound”
Tunechi…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
[Verse 2: Lil’ Wayne]
Real n-ggas, f-ck these haters
These hoes got pussies like craters
Can’t treat these hoes like ladies, man…
Pussy, money, weed, codeine
She say my dick feel like morphine
I hope my name tastes like sardines to these n-ggas
She wake up, eat his dick
Call that breakfast in bed, 69.96
I feel her heartbeat
I touched her chest with this bitch
Now turn around, face down, I’m arresting this bitch
Yeah, all my bitches love me
And I love all my bitches
But it’s like soon as I cum
I come to my senses
And I would say these hoes’ names
But then I would be snitchin’
And these haters try to knock me
But they can’t knock me off the hinges
Tunechi…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
[Bridge 2: Lil’ Wayne]
I lost a few good bitches
Met some more bad bitches
And I be schoolin’ them n-ggas
Pose for your class picture
And kiss my ass if you hatin’
I’m getting’ ass while I’m skatin’
I lost a few good bitches
Met some more bad bitches
And I be schoolin’ them n-ggas
Pose for your class picture
And kiss my ass if you hatin’
I’m getting’ ass while I’m skatin’
Bitch…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
Here is the video to this garbage song.
“Yea, as long as my bitches love me.” Take that lyric with you wherever you may go. It could probably get you through some tough times.
