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Painfully Normal Guy Discovered Living In Los Angeles
Los Angeles, CA—Los Angeles. L.A. Paradise City. The coolest city with the coolest people with the best weather. You gotta be a badass, actor, musician, beautiful person or an otherwise famous celebrity to live there. Or so...
- Posted 7 days ago
Fargo Man Dials 911 Over Earbuds Mishap
Fargo, ND—Those earbuds with the rubbery coating that come prepackaged with every iPhone or iPod. The ones that, once they get tangled, you suddenly need to manifest surgical precision and years of boy scout knot-knowledge to get them undone?...
- Posted 9 days ago
Jodi Arias Verdict Sucks for Hot Girls
Phoenix, AZ -The verdict has come down like prices at Wal Mart® (Wal Mart®. Always the Low Price. Always) (sponsored). Jodi Arias has been convicted of 1st-degree murder for violently mutilating her boyfriend in a fit of...
- Posted 13 days ago
Fargo Man Forgot How to Golf, It’s Been So Long
Fargo, ND—The F-M area has finally broken through to springtime after enduring the longest fucking winter in its storied history. Snowbanks across town gathered dusty, gravel-topped cobwebs, they’ve been there for so long. Now that most of...
- Posted 21 days ago
Peyton Manning to Tim Tebow: “Cut That Meat!”
New York, NY – As many in the NFL landscape are being made aware today, the New York Jets have finally released freed the chosen one, Tim Tebow. Tebow, upon hearing the news of his release, had...
- Posted 23 days ago
Area Girl No Longer Attracted To Jerks
Boston, MA—Chicks dig jerks. Well, some do. Others will pursue a gentleman who treats them with dignity and respect. The charismatically aloof have always had their way with certain members of the female species until some asshole...
- Posted 34 days ago
Researchers Uncover Guaranteed Method to Extend Smartphone Battery Life
Palo Alto, CA – Stanford University researchers have been conducting top-secret experiments in an effort to dramatically increase day-to-day smartphone battery longevity. Scientific trials have been performed on lithium-ion batteries and how they precisely integrate with microcomputer...
- Posted 36 days ago
A Priest Answers Our ‘Questions to Ask Before Joining a Religion’
Yesterday, we published an article recommending some important questions to ask prior to joining a religious organization. Today, we had a priest answer them to help gauge our interest in joining the Catholic church: Are there unicorns?...
- Posted 42 days ago
Kim Jong-un Suffering from Small Man Syndrome
Pyongyang, North Korea—Small Man Syndrome is very real. It is an affliction that dates back hundreds–no–thousands of years. Sufferers of Small Man Syndrome (pissy men of less-than-average height) are categorically known to experience throes of bitter jealousy and pent-up...
- Posted 48 days ago
Twins Season Preview: Gardenhire Lowering Expectations Even Further In 2013
Minneapolis, MN – With the season opener a mere handful of days away, baseball fans and media people are looking for some preseason insight from Minnesota Twins skipper Ron Gardenhire. Gardy, candid as always, indicated that the...
- Posted 55 days ago