Tag Archives: dog

Fargo Police Add New Dog That Can Detect Weird Activity

You can’t hide any weirdness from K-9 Tweek.

Fargo, ND A new dog is being added to the K-9 team of the Fargo Police Department.

Tweek is his name and detecting weirdness is his claim to fame.

K9 Tweek is trained to sniff out any and all types of weird activities and people.

If you are exhibiting any form of weirdness, Tweek will quickly and easily point that out to his handler.

In a situation where multiple weirdnesses are occurring, Tweek is trained to signal which is the most weird.

Besides being trained to sense anyone acting weird, Fargo’s new K-9 unit is also trained to give an alert signal for any activities that might be considered at all strange, unusual, odd, different, abnormal, kooky, freaky, and peculiar.

This Man Doesn’t Remember Who He Is. Can You Help Identify Him?

The only thing this man recalls is the word BINGO.

West Fargo, ND – A man came wandering into our FM Observer Corporate Office Park not remembering his name, if he’s married, where he works, where he lives, or the names of any family or friends.

When we asked the man where he had recently been, that too seemed to draw a complete blank.

He did say that the word “Bingo” vaguely was popping up in his mind but was not sure if that’s in reference to the game or possibly a dog.

Perhaps this is a case of stolen identity or a bump on the head, or this man simply got out of the wrong side of his bed…after a super confusing dream.

Most of us have experienced a short period of temporary amnesia which maybe lasts for just a few seconds, and perhaps this man’s amnesia will naturally fade away.

If you happen to know this man, or know anything about him, please pass that information along so that we can hopefully help solve The Case Of The Unknown Man.

House-Warming Gift Ideas For The West Fargo And Fargo Area

Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood!

West Fargo, ND – If a new couple has just moved into your neighborhood, within the first two weeks after they’ve arrived, you should definitely show up unannounced at their front door during normal visiting hours, with a few nice house-warming presents.

This will not only satisfy all your curiosities about what your new neighbors are like, but will also allow them to get a good first impression of you and some of your idiosyncrasies.

Showing up without any sort of present is very gauche! Because you are expecting your new neighbors to invite you in for snacks and coffee or beer, having some sort of gift is certainly mandatory.

Specifically for the Fargo and West Fargo area, here are some great ideas for good house-warming gifts:

A Trump-scented candle to make America smell great again
Any animal about to be euthanized at the Humane Society
A list of all your phone numbers and email addresses
A box of doggy treats for canine family members
A partially redacted copy of the Mueller Report
A variety pack of different colored duct tapes
A framed autographed picture of yourself
An extra-large (unopened) bottle of booze
An old Bible from any second-hand store
A living, breeding pair of Sugar Gliders
A brand new submersible sump pump
A few of your favorite hotdish recipes
Season tickets to Bison football
Any Michael Bolton CDs
A few memory lanterns

New Home Radar System Detects And Then Detains Package Stealers

Detect & Detain with the Hatchett Protection System!

Fargo, ND – A new home property protection system developed by a Fargo inventor will safely protect your delivered packages on your front door step until you get home.

Dr. Nacci Hatchett’s system includes radar detection for your entire property along with the ability to completely detain the culprits with a variety of non-lethal weapons.

Once your Hatchett Protection System determines that a prowler (and not your spouse) is stealing an outdoor package, you can choose to have the intruder strongly bound by a system of bolas, tazed, netted, caged, or all of these (in the exact same order).

Dr. Hatchett’s system then automatically calls the police who will respond with an aggressively hungry K-9 unit.

Since North Dakota leads the nation in stolen packages, this new Hatchett Protection System is sure to sell like hotcakes with warm maple syrup.

Ironically, all the letters in Nacci Hatchett can be re-arranged to spell: Catch In The Act!

Dog Saves Drowning Man From River And Then Eats The Man

Heroic dog who saves drowning man then turns into villain by devouring him.

Neche, ND – The good news is: a man who was suddenly drowning in the Tongue River was saved by a large and alert dog.

Unfortunately, the bad news is: once the man was pulled to safety on the banks of the river, the large dog then proceeded to eat the man.

The man hasn’t yet been identified but is believed to not be from the Tongue River area.

The dog, a full grown bullmastiff, is named Zarr and is first being given a medal of honor for saving the man, and then is being charged with manslaughter.

Tune in to your local 6:00 evening news for updates on this most incredible and biz-Zarr story.

Fargo Man Arrested For Leaving Dog Outside Too Long

Shih Tzu puppy named Pixy is the latest casualty in the War On Global Cooling.

Fargo, ND – The good news is: that Mr. Dorf Gonez got a cute little new Shih Tzu puppy for his family as a Christmas present.

The bad news is: that Mr. Dorf Gonez forgot that their new little Pixy was tied up outside while Dorf got lost playing his new video games.

When his wife finally asked “Hay, where the hell is Pixy?”, Mr. Dorf Gonez went outside to find their new Shih Tzu puppy all frozen up like an ice cube tray in a freezer set to the coldest possible setting.

The Fargo Criminal Canine Task Force showed up shortly after that to arrest Mr. Dorf Gonez for gross aggravated negligence.

Sadly, all the letters in Dorf Gonez can be coldly re-arranged to spell: Frozen Dog!

Prehistoric Rabbit Femur Located In West Fargo

Prehistoric Gargantuan Arctic Hare femur adored by Beavis the beagle.

West Fargo, ND – What was once the territory of the Gargantuan Arctic Hare is now the coveted land of homebuyers and builders residing in points West. This truth was revealed to excavators during a foundation dig in what is now known as Eaglewood.

Homebuilders Cheirly and Grigg Milkshifter purchased land there with the intention to build. Little did they know what lied beneath tied their plot to the paleolithic era. The backhoe blade carved out a prized archaeological find: A five-foot long, 287-pound Gargantuan Arctic Hare femur that their dog Beavis is infatuated with.

The Milkshifters now know those prehistoric remnants remain. When confronted by the Archaeological Survey Society, or ASS as they are more commonly known, Grigg Milkshifter declared eminent domain over this now sacret plot of land.

“Those ASS people told me I had to leave here ‘n sell. I said nope sir we’re letting Beavis sniff around, see what he finds. ASS can shove it up their ass. Maybe he’ll dig up a giant squirrel pelvis next.”

So if you’re looking to settle down in the far western reaches of town, know that you’re disrupting what is likely a big wooly rabbit mass grave.


Area Dog Launches Search Party For Own Tail

tailFargo, ND—An area dog, name of Chip, has exhausted all independent efforts to obtain a long, thin appendage that was thought to have been located somewhere near the back side of his body.

Collective efforts are being made to help Chip locate this estranged body part believed to be his tail. Local police have put out an APB on Chip’s tail while he and his owner are conducting an independent search party comprised of some of Chip’s favorite stuffed animals. “He’s never been able to catch it. Now, i’m afraid he’s lost it completely,” said Chip’s owner, Greg.

Neighborhood dogs can be heard voicing their concerns over the disappearance of Chip’s tail during obnoxious late-night barking marathons.

We will continue to update this article as developments in the case are made but for now, let’s sit back & watch Chip chase his tail.

Many Towns & Cities Are Being Taken Over By Dogs

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Where you stand depends on where you sit.

Dogwood, TX – In what some are seeing as a new national trend, the official new mayor of Dogwood, Texas is…a DOG! As they say, every dog has its day, and in this case, Baxter is his name and politics is his game.

All of his mayoral opponents described Baxter as pugnacious and doggedly optimistic. Others just call him one lucky dog since he seemed to be the clear underdog from the start of the race.

As a former shitty commissioner and having been very instrumental in getting the new Canine Voter Rights Legislation passed in the town of Dogwood, Baxter capitalized by capturing almost all of the doggy vote. Surprisingly, exit polling showed that most of the non-canine voters also preferred Baxter for Alpha-Mayor. “My wife and I both thought Baxter to be well-spoken and up on all the issues that were important to us” admitted Clarence Longhorn, who lives in Dogwood and who voted for the new Mutt-in-Chief.

Baxter, who once described attack-dog politics as a “dog eat dog world”, vowed to try and put an end to any canine cannibalism, which he says has been a real bone of contention in Texas. He will also work like a dog to help improve living conditions of all animals and humans living in Dogwood.

One of the first things Baxter did after taking office was to abolish the dogcatcher position and shut down the Dogwood Dog Pound, two of his carefully crafted campaign promises. He then ordered all fire hydrants to be freshly repainted.

Baxter, a pug from birth, is married to his lovely pug bitch, Miss Wendy. She describes Bax as a loveable little puppy dog underneath his outward alpha-male exterior. Miss Wendy intimates that “his bark is worse than his bite” even though they do have a “Beware of Dog” sign on their mayoral dog house.

Yawl are invited to join Baxter and his lovely bitch for a Meat & Greet at what is being called his Bark Mitzvah. One of his senior staffers says to expect “a grand Gala event complete with a variety of expensive doggy treats, and entertainment galore including Baxter’s favorite songs, “Black Dog” by Leash Zeppelin and “You Ain’t Nuttin But A Pug Dog” by Elvis Pugsley.

Baxter has some good advice for other canine mayoral candidates across the country:
1. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
2. Show that old dogs CAN learn new tricks.
3. Make sure you’re barking up the right tree.
4. Advertise your campaign on all restaurant doggy bags.
5. Have a clearly defined dogma explaining what you stand for, what you’ll sit for, and what you’ll lie down for.

New FDA Drug Approved For Your Sick Dog

Is your dog sicker than a dog?

Is your dog sicker than a dog?

Fargo, ND – Do you have a DOG? Is your dog SICK? Congratulations! You just might have a SICK DOG!

With the recent onset of the Dog Flu, the FDA (Federal Dog Agency) has approved a new drug called SICK DOG for testing on real dogs.

Through an exclusive offer with the FM Observer, you can get some SICK DOG for your sick dog today!

How do I know if my dog is sick? When multi-colors are coming out of every orifice of your dog’s feverish body, you probably have a SICK DOG! If your dog has lost all its fur and is coughing up blood, you probably have a SICK DOG!

How does the SICK DOG product work? Nobody really knows what’s in this “product” or how it “works”. However, if your dog shows ANY signs of improvement, please contact the SICK DOG Company immediately and read them the TEST CODE NUMBER on the side of your box of SICK DOG. The company will then scientifically use this information to determine which mixture of random ingredients might be the most effective on future SICK DOGS.

Are you planning a Super Bowl Party, but your dog is sick? Try SICK DOG!

Are you all dressed up just about to go out on a first date, but your dog is blowing chunks? Try SICK DOG!

Are you sick and tired of having a dog that’s sick and tired? Try SICK DOG!

Interested parties can also find out more about the SICK DOG Pyramid Scheme. Are you sick of living paycheck to paycheck? Are you dog-tired of trying to rob small-time convenience stores? Check out the SICK DOG Pyramid Scheme to learn how YOU can make up to $25,000 every month, without ever doing a damn thing, except calling 1-800-SICK-DOG!