Fabulous door prizes will include: A vintage Vespa scooter, valuable paintings by Amsterdam Douglass, Get-out-of-Jail cards, one-way trips To Grand Forks, unopened cans of Spam, breeding pairs of Sugar Gliders, autographed and framed pictures of Dr. Willy Nilly, and lots more!
Amazingly accurate fortune tellings will be performed by Precog!
How to get to FMO Headquarters from almost anywhere: Turn right at the next light, drive 4.2 miles until you see a small house on a corner, turn left, and then simply follow our welcome signs. Enjoy! And thanks for reading the FM Observer ☺
West Fargo, ND – If a new couple has just moved into your neighborhood, within the first two weeks after they’ve arrived, you should definitely show up unannounced at their front door during normal visiting hours, with a few nice house-warming presents.
This will not only satisfy all your curiosities about what your new neighbors are like, but will also allow them to get a good first impression of you and some of your idiosyncrasies.
Showing up without any sort of present is very gauche! Because you are expecting your new neighbors to invite you in for snacks and coffee or beer, having some sort of gift is certainly mandatory.
Specifically for the Fargo and West Fargo area, here are some great ideas for good house-warming gifts:
☺ A Trump-scented candle to make America smell great again
☺ Any animal about to be euthanized at the Humane Society
☺ A list of all your phone numbers and email addresses
☺ A box of doggy treats for canine family members
☺ A partially redacted copy of the Mueller Report
☺ A variety pack of different colored duct tapes
☺ A framed autographed picture of yourself
☺ An extra-large (unopened) bottle of booze
☺ An old Bible from any second-hand store
☺ A living, breeding pair of Sugar Gliders
☺ A brand new submersible sump pump
☺ A few of your favorite hotdish recipes
☺ Season tickets to Bison football
☺ Any Michael Bolton CDs
☺ A few memory lanterns
Lickota, ND – A man was reportedly licked to death while attending a police Meet and Greet social event.
The man, whose name is not being released until his family is notified, was identified as Mucciolo Knight from Lickinson, North Dakota.
The dog, a German shepherd that was raised in the Norwegian town of Lickehammer, was named Slicka, which also happens to be the Norwegian command “to lick”.
An eye witness at the event said Mr. Knight, who was greeted by Slicka near the punch bowl, kept on saying the dog’s name repeatedly while the highly trained police dog was simply responding to its “lick” command.
Ironically, all of the letters in Mucciolo Knight can be re-arranged to spell: Too Much Licking!
The new Piano Playing Support Group is for everyone and anyone who likes to play the piano and eat cookies.
West Fargo, ND –A new support group for piano players is forming in West Fargo for people who might enjoy the benefits of such a group.
Dr. Abu Coplin will be hosting the Piano Player Support Group meetings at his new Pianomatic Support Center.
Each session will begin with a Meet & Greet, followed by participants taking turns playing piano, followed by treats and a discussion group called Issues & Tissues.
Participants will be invited to share their respective feelings on a Question of the Day, such as: What is your favorite note? Do you believe in chords? Why are some piano keys black whilst others are white? If you were a piano, would you play yourself?
If you’d be interested in joining the Piano Player Support Group, please contact Dr. Abu Coplin at his Pianomatic Support Center.
Ironically, all the letters in Abu Coplin can be re-arranged to spell: Piano Club!
Hall of Fame quarterback Carson Wentz comes home for homecoming!
West Fargo, ND – With the ever-popular Carson Wentz in the area during his NFL bye week after crushing the Pittsburgh Steelers 34-3, the FMObserver will be hosting a special Meet & Greet session with the future Hall of Fame quarterback at our state-of-the-art corporate headquarters in Wentz Fargo.
For the first 10,000 Carson Wentz fans that show up, each will receive a free autographed NFL Carson Wentz jersey for only $50, plus enjoy free Philadelphia-style lobster bisque in a white wine deglazed reduction sauce served over Conchiglie pasta (since it looks like little footballs) for a suggested voluntary offering of $35 to help cover the cost of flying the live lobsters in from Philadelphia via lobster drones.
Then, if the spirits move you, hottub in one of our many corporate hottubs after shooting clay pigeons with Carson Wentz from our rooftop party gazebo while being entertained by the infamous Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders and the band Earth, Wind and Fire.
With thee Carson Wentz in town, it’s time to cancel your meaningless garage sale or pull your kids out of their scoreless soccer games and go catch one of the many free shuttle buses that will be continually transporting folks to and from the Carson Wentz Meet & Greet Extravaganza Celebratorial Event-of-the-Century and remember to bring lots of money for all of the free stuff!