Tag Archives: west fargo

West Fargo’s New Mask Strategy Is Basically To Not Upset Anyone By Imposing A Mask Mandate

Question: What is the mask strategy? Answer: To not do anything that would effectively slow the spread of the coronavirus.

West Fargo, ND – Rather than imposing a mask mandate like neighboring Fargo finally did, West Fargo’s wizards of smart decided to implement a Mask Strategy.

You may ask: What is West Fargo’s mask strategy?

Apparently West Fargo’s mask strategy is to “strongly encourage” the wearing of masks without hurting the feelings of any pandemically-challenged people who think wearing a mask is just too difficult. (Most anti-maskers realize too late that being intubated is a lot more difficult than simply wearing a mask.)

Unfortunately, it seems that strong encouragement and invitations for personal responsibility don’t get through to blockheads that either don’t understand the serious nature of a highly contagious pandemic or whose stubbornness will eventually lead to our collective demise.

The FM Observer would like to congratulate the West Fargo City Commission on having a special meeting to come up with a strategy that has less teeth than a jellyfish and which will result in zero effect toward stemming the tidal wave of exponential covidian spread.

West Fargo Couple Dies In Car While Waiting For Traffic Light To Turn Green

When the red light finally turned green, both the driver and passenger were no more.

West Fargo, ND – In a stunningly slow turn of events, an older West Fargo couple died while waiting for a red light to turn green.

Leth and Helt Ringgold had pulled up to a red traffic light which recently had been having some functionality “issues”.

Unfortunately for the Ringgolds, the red light took an extraordinarily long time to change to green.

By the time they finally got the signal to proceed through the intersection, both Leth and Helt Ringgold had passed on, gone bye-bye, kicked the bucket, gone upstairs, breathed their last, met their maker, checked out, bit the dust.

The West Fargo Street Department has apologized for this sad mishap and promised to check each and every traffic light to make sure something like this does not happen again.

Interestingly, both Leth Ringgold and Helt Ringgold can be re-arranged into: Long Red Light!

FMO To Host Free All-City Concert Featuring Hot Mega-Band “Neon Fruitcake!”

Neon Fruitcake! coming to West Fargo!

West Fargo, ND – To help get the New Year started off going in the right direction, your FM Observer will be hosting a free concert open to everyone who lives in West Fargo.

The super trending band Neon Fruitcake! will be playing all their current mega-hits including “2020” and “Up Yours”!

If your zip code is 58078 and you’re looking for the place to be in 2020, head on over to see Neon Fruitcake!

Just as the concert is free, also feel free to bring a fruitcake to the event to share with others or toss up onto the stage to show your support of Neon Fruitcake!

Note: Any people from Fargo or Moorhead caught trying to sneak into this concert will be deported back to their county of origin.

FM Observer’s Long-Time Mentor Dies At The Very End Of His Life

Bernard Idiovance was an early television pioneer probably best known for inventing satirical fake news.

Eastern West Fargo, ND – Bernard Idiovance, who was very instrumental in encouraging the founders of the FM Observer to begin such an undertaking, is now in the hands of the undertakers.

Dear Bernard was not only a mentor to all of us, but also a life coach and a rather strict disciplinarian keeping us in line and on time.

Mr. Idiovance died suddenly in his sleep while having a dream in which he was falling, that was going just fine…until he hit finally the ground.

Bernard Idiovance is probably best known for inventing satirical fake news and therefore launching us in the direction we now still find ourselves headed.

Bidi (as we sometimes called him) was preceded in death by his dog…and Bingo was his name.

During our final visit to see Bernard, his last words to us were: “Now, do I know you folks?”

Top Ten Things To Do In The Fargo-Moorhead Area This Weekend!

Here is a list of the Top Ten fun things to do in the FM area this weekend!

West Fargo, ND – Are you looking for something fun, new, and different to do this weekend?

Would you like to be where the happening action is at?

Well, once again you’ve come to the right place!

Based on our latest extensive research, here is a convenient synopsis of what’s going on in the greater Fargo Moorhead area this weekend:

☺ Perfume exchange at Alice Gronk’s home
☺ Offensive sign parade (Downtown Fargo)
​☺ All-city Tug-O-War (West Fargo)
☺ Kid’s Learn-How-To-Gamble Day (Horse Park)
☺ Annual mosquito count (Moorhead)
​☺ Reading of the Mueller Report (Fargo Library)
☺ Senior citizen Hide-n-Seek (Sabin)
☺ Paintball War competition (Island Park)
☺ Children’s self-defense against Catholic priests (YMCA)
☺ 24-hour Treasure Hunt (Fargo Landfill)

A Rare Pair Of Velociraptors Seen Wandering Through West Fargo

If you happen to see this pair of Velociraptors, please call 9-1-1 at your earliest convenience.

West Fargo, ND – City authorities who are not wanting to cause a panic, are trying to stay calm whilst warning the community that a very rare pair of Velociraptors has been seen walking around within city limits.

Dr. Sarlo Petrovic and his spousemate Claire Provost have been flown into West Fargo to monitor this unusual situation.

“Yes, this would indeed be quite similar to the Jurassic Park scenario where two speedy raptors who are known for their rapacious appetite would be wandering around looking for food and fun”, says Dr. Petrovic.

Ms. Provost mentioned that her dino-cell testing lab in Canada recently reported two missing Velociraptors who go by the name of Pelto and Provo.

She advises: “If you happen to see my two dear raptors in your yard, please let us know.”

“If they’re hungry, they could be considered dangerous, but they’re usually quite harmless and playfully curious.”

Ironically, all the letters in Sarlo Petrovic and Claire Provost can be re-arranged to spell: Velociraptors!

Top Ten Things To Do In The Fargo-Moorhead Area This Weekend!

Here is a list of the Top Ten fun things to do in the FM area this weekend!

West Fargo, ND – Are you looking for something fun, new, and different to do this weekend?

Would you like to be where the happening action is at?

Well, once again you’ve come to the right place!

Based on our latest extensive research, here is a convenient synopsis of what’s going on in the greater Fargo Moorhead area this weekend:

☺ Rotten Egg Juggling (West Acres)
☺ Drunkfest 3000 (Downtown Fargo)
​☺ Scary Clown Parade (North Fargo)
☺ Mud Wrestling Tournament (Moorhead)
☺ Meat and Greet Cookout (West Fargo)
​☺ Parimutuel Dog Fights (Fairgrounds)
☺ Senior Citizen Dodgeball Event (Sabin)
☺ Sloppy Joe Eating Contest (Island Park)
☺ Marijuana Bake Sale (Second Lutheran Church)
☺ Free Concert: Electric Pickle (Outside Fargodome)

All West Fargoans Asked To Make A Rock Balancing Sculpture In Their Yards

West Fargo trying to set a new record for the town with the most rock balancings.

West Fargo, ND – The new mayor of West Fargo is informally asking all homeowners to build a rock balancing (sometimes called a cairn) somewhere in their yard.

FMO: What’s the thought behind this idea?

Mayor: West Fargo is already unique because there’s only one in the country. If every home in West Fargo had a rock balancing sculpture in their yard, that would really be cool, don’t you think?

FMO: Any tips or tricks on how to do it?

Mayor: Using rocks with some flatness helps, but basically stack them one on top of another, finding the balance point, with each rock placed on the previous rock so it feels solid like a tripod. 

FMO: Do you have any other ideas for West Fargo?

Mayor: It would be nice if everyone wore a name tag showing their first name just to increase our sense of community. 

FMO Announces The 2018 Smartest Kids Contest

How smart is your kid?

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is excitedly proud to announce our 2018 Smartest Kids Contest.

“Think of this as a spelling bee but you’re asked questions instead of spelling words,” says Dr. Thomas Tuttle, who runs the Smartest Kids Contest, and who also won his age division when he was younger.

Questions can be on any topic such as current events, general factoids, members of President Trump’s cabinet, cocktail ingredients, historical facts, who’s married to whom, sports trivia, the value of PI, and much much more.

First place winners in each age group will win a trip to Grand Forks, whilst second place winners will win two trips to Grand Forks, and so on and so forth.

If you would like to participate, simply contact Dr. Thomas Tuttle with all your personal information such as name, birth date, Mother’s maiden name, social security number, bank accounts and credit cards. After that, simply start studying for Fargo’s 2018 Smartest Kids Contest!

One tip: Answers to all the possible contest questions can be found in the Fargo Public Liberry.

Lots Now Being Sold Around West Fargo Lagoon

Artist’s drawing of how the West Fargo Lagoon is expected to look in twenty years.

West Fargo, ND – What are expected to be beautiful lots someday, are being sold today around the West Fargo lagoon.

Imagine yourself cruising around this future West Fargo lake in your brand new pontoon.

This former sewage lagoon will soon be home to a loon and perhaps a raccoon.

They say it will eventually smell as fresh as a day in June, perhaps more so during a full moon rather than at high noon.

But the advantages of living in an upscale lagoon commune just North of town is it’s walking distance to the West Fargo saloon.

If you think you’d be immune to living on a former lagoon, simply contact the tycoon whose office is under a balloon.