Tag Archives: mask

The Great Musk Ox Migration To Come Directly Through The Fargo Area

Wear an anti-musk mask to avoid being overcome by the pungent odor from the beastly migrating oxen.

Fargo, ND – While North Dakota is still dealing with the Covid crisis, it will soon also have to contend with a Bovid crisis.

Thousands of musk ox from the Bovid family of large hoofed mammals will soon be doing their annual migration.

Because of climate change, this year’s route is going to bring an extremely large group of the strong musk-smelling animals through the Fargo area.

Authorities are recommending that the public wear masks when outside due to the powerful musky odor emitted by the males who are trying to attract females.

Because some of the animals weigh almost 900 pounds, people are also asked to quarantine during the times that the musk ox migration is moving through our region.

In summary, because of the Bovid migration, either shelter in place (in small groups) to stay safe, or if you must go out for beer, wear a mask to maximize your herd immunity to the strong musky smell and minimize your chances of being overcome by the intense Bovidian odor.

West Fargo’s New Mask Strategy Is Basically To Not Upset Anyone By Imposing A Mask Mandate

Question: What is the mask strategy? Answer: To not do anything that would effectively slow the spread of the coronavirus.

West Fargo, ND – Rather than imposing a mask mandate like neighboring Fargo finally did, West Fargo’s wizards of smart decided to implement a Mask Strategy.

You may ask: What is West Fargo’s mask strategy?

Apparently West Fargo’s mask strategy is to “strongly encourage” the wearing of masks without hurting the feelings of any pandemically-challenged people who think wearing a mask is just too difficult. (Most anti-maskers realize too late that being intubated is a lot more difficult than simply wearing a mask.)

Unfortunately, it seems that strong encouragement and invitations for personal responsibility don’t get through to blockheads that either don’t understand the serious nature of a highly contagious pandemic or whose stubbornness will eventually lead to our collective demise.

The FM Observer would like to congratulate the West Fargo City Commission on having a special meeting to come up with a strategy that has less teeth than a jellyfish and which will result in zero effect toward stemming the tidal wave of exponential covidian spread.

Spiderman Says To Wear A Mask Just Like Him

Wear a mask like Spiderman!

Spider Island, Wisconsin – Spiderman says one reason he wears a mask is to not catch the coronavirus from people who aren’t wearing a mask.

Just like Spiderman’s mask, your mask should completely cover your mouth and nose with a snug fit.

“If it makes sense for doctors to wear masks during surgery, it makes just as much sense for you to wear a mask during a pandemic,” says Spiderman.

Besides washing his hands frequently, Spiderman also tries to always social distance by staying at least six feet above others.

Moorhead Man Willing To Part With N95 Filtration Masks For $100 Each

One for $100 or a box of ten for only $999

Moorhead, MN – A Moorhead man who has stockpiled literally thousands of the much-demanded N95 facial masks is now selling them for $100 each.

Mark Rhoades says that as a favor to the community, he is graciously willing to part with his N95 masks for only $100 each or if you want to save a dollar, a box of ten masks is only $999.

When we asked Mr. Rhoades why he was doing this, he responded thusly:

“Because I’m a smart guy, I loaded up on these 3M masks for me and my family, and now that it seems I have way more than we could ever use, the community benefits from my proactive fore-thinking.”

Sadly, all of the letters in Mark Rhoades can be re-filtered into: Mask Hoarder!

‘Smiling Depression’ Is Now Considered A Disease Treatable With Drugs

People that smile a lot need help.

‚ÄčDeath Valley, CA – Did you know that smiling is almost a sure sign of depression?

“Smiling Depression” is something you’ll want to start watching for amongst your family, friends, and co-workers.

People who chronically smile are most likely masking deep and severe depression.

Depressionologists are advising that if you suspect someone of having Smiling Depression, get them to a Certifiable Counselor as quickly as possible.

If you are not depressed and don’t want outside observers to think you are, don’t be doing a lot of smiling.

Conversely, if you are experiencing some major depression and want to hide it, resist the temptation to smile a lot in order to mask it.