Tag Archives: fear

Moorhead Man Willing To Part With N95 Filtration Masks For $100 Each

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One for $100 or a box of ten for only $999

Moorhead, MN – A Moorhead man who has stockpiled literally thousands of the much-demanded N95 facial masks is now selling them for $100 each.

Mark Rhoades says that as a favor to the community, he is graciously willing to part with his N95 masks for only $100 each or if you want to save a dollar, a box of ten masks is only $999.

When we asked Mr. Rhoades why he was doing this, he responded thusly:

“Because I’m a smart guy, I loaded up on these 3M masks for me and my family, and now that it seems I have way more than we could ever use, the community benefits from my proactive fore-thinking.”

Sadly, all of the letters in Mark Rhoades can be re-filtered into: Mask Hoarder!

Piano Playing Support Group Supportive Of Playing Piano

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The new Piano Playing Support Group is for everyone and anyone who likes to play the piano and eat cookies.

West Fargo, ND – A new support group for piano players is forming in West Fargo for people who might enjoy the benefits of such a group.

Dr. Abu Coplin will be hosting the Piano Player Support Group meetings at his new Pianomatic Support Center.

Each session will begin with a Meet & Greet, followed by participants taking turns playing piano, followed by treats and a discussion group called Issues & Tissues.

Participants will be invited to share their respective feelings on a Question of the Day, such as: What is your favorite note? Do you believe in chords? Why are some piano keys black whilst others are white? If you were a piano, would you play yourself?

If you’d be interested in joining the Piano Player Support Group, please contact Dr. Abu Coplin at his Pianomatic Support Center.

Ironically, all the letters in Abu Coplin can be re-arranged to spell: Piano Club!

Stephen King To Read Scary Books To Children At Fargo Liberry

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Rather than learning how not to fear one ought rather learn what to fear.

“Rather than learning how not to fear, one ought rather learn what to fear.”

Fargo, ND – As a public service announcement, consider yourself now informed that author Stephen King will be reading scary books to children every day all next month at the Fargo Public Liberry. Times for the sessions will be quite random just to keep listeners off balance and on their toes.

Author King recently unveiled a new line of scary books called The Fear Factory written just for children from ages 6 to 666.

Some have called Stephen King “the king of phobia creators” but he sees it a bit differently. “My books simply magnify pre-existing phobias. Rather than running from or even trying to face your fears, one should learn what to fear and how to survive it.”

Here are some of the wonderful book titles from Stephen King’s new Fear Factory that he will be reading to children at the Fargo Public Liberry:

Who Is Under My Bed?
Axe Me A Question
Where Is Daddy Going?
The Doorbell Sounds Weird
Why Is The Floor All Red?
Please Let Me Out Now
What’s In The Basement?
Grandpa Looks Blue
What’s For Supper?

Zika Fears Creating Need For Last-Minute Olympic Substitutes

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#1,234 ranked golfer John Daly says yes to participating in the Zika Games.

#1,234 ranked golfer John Daly says yes to participating in the Zika Games.

Rio, Braziliana – Unexpected opportunities for unlikely Olympic participants are being caused by Olympic qualifiers deciding to not go to the Rio Games due to Zikaphobia.

After years of training, sacrificing, and qualifying for the 2016 Summer Olympic Games, many athletes who should be going are not.

Since none of the American Men’s Golf Team qualifiers are participating due to Zikaphobia, players such as John Daly, who is currently ranked #1,234 in the world, are stepping up to represent their country.

In some other Olympic competitions, substitutes with literally zero experience in that sport are volunteering to give it a shot.

Toby Smucker, who has never thrown a shotput in his life, will be representing the USA in the shotput event.

Amanda Garson, who has a chronic bad ankle, will be competing for her country in the Women’s 200 meter hurdle event.

If you would like to participate in the 2016 Rio Games, please contact the American Olympics Committee as soon as possible and indicate what sport(s) you would like to try.