National

Brazil President-Elect A Little Too Obsessed With Sexual Education

  Riberao Preto, BRAZIL – From our southerly American neighbor Brazil comes news at the forefront of their political landscape. President-elect Jair Bolsonaro, on the tail of a victorious Trump-like campaign, remains...

Air Force Space Command Protesting Space Force

Not fast enough. Too small. Go back to watching your Star Wars movies, kid. You’ll never make it. That’s what they used to say to United States Air Force Space Command Lieutenant Gragg Bombgarden all those years...

Trump Names Bali Volcano, Mt. Agung, As New Top Advisor

Washington, D.C. – After losing a number of top advisors in recent weeks, President Trump filled one of the vacant slots with a highly unusual appointment today. Mt. Agung, the active volcano currently erupting in Bali, has...

Aging Presidential Administration Ships Horse Masks To Puerto Rico

San Juan, Puerto Rico – After playfully tossing paper towel rolls to locals seriously affected by hurricane Irma, Donald Trump has seemingly permitted a shipment of latex horse masks to Puerto Rico. To the aid of the...

Trump Administration Considering Travel Enforcement To New Arctic Iceberg

Washington, DC – Last week, in the thrall of a red-hot northern hemisphere summer, the shockingly brittle Larsen C Ice Shelf buckled under the pressure and shed a few trillion tons of unneeded weight. This signifies a huge...

Gmail Now Permitting Use Of Emoji In New Email Addresses

Palo Alto, CA – Great news this day for emoji fans and horrifying news for emoji haters. That little smileyface icon you’ve fallen in love with using in messages has taken one step closer to formally joining the...

United Airlines Expecting Insignificant Revenue Shortfall Amidst Controversy

Louisville, KY – $36 billion in annual revenue could turn into a mere $33 billion after video of United airline staff violently re-appropriating or re-accommodating or re-moving or whatever they call what they did to...

Obama Ninja Army Fighting Climate Change

Chicago, IL – It is potentially alleged that in the smoldering wake of his White House tenure, former President Obama has been using covert operations to keep the cherished climate change initiative alive. Fake News has...

Lady Gaga To Bring Performance Art Tour To Fargo

Fresno, CA – Stage performer Lady Gaga, fresh off one of the most scintillating Super Bowl halftime show performances of the modern era, has formally announced that she will embark on a nationwide “performance...

Criss Angel To Lead US Army’s New MINDFREAK Infantry

Washington, DC – In the desolate, run-down wastelands of the Middle-East, countries are at war. People are blowing stuff up over there at an alarming rate. Blowing things up and blowing each other up and putting our...