National

Trump Names Bali Volcano, Mt. Agung, As New Top Advisor
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Trump Names Bali Volcano, Mt. Agung, As New Top Advisor

November 29th, 2017 | by Nina Verbena
Washington, D.C. – After losing a number of top advisors in recent weeks, President Trump filled one of the vacant slots with a highly unusual appointment today. Mt. Agung, the active volcano currently erupting in Bali, has...
Aging Presidential Administration Ships Horse Masks To Puerto Rico
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Aging Presidential Administration Ships Horse Masks To Puerto Rico

October 17th, 2017 | by Nick
San Juan, Puerto Rico – After playfully tossing paper towel rolls to locals seriously affected by hurricane Irma, Donald Trump has seemingly permitted a shipment of latex horse masks to Puerto Rico. To the aid of the...
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Trump Administration Considering Travel Enforcement To New Arctic Iceberg

July 17th, 2017 | by Nick
Washington, DC – Last week, in the thrall of a red-hot northern hemisphere summer, the shockingly brittle Larsen C Ice Shelf buckled under the pressure and shed a few trillion tons of unneeded weight. This signifies a huge...
Gmail Now Permitting Use Of Emoji In New Email Addresses
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Gmail Now Permitting Use Of Emoji In New Email Addresses

April 18th, 2017 | by Nick
Palo Alto, CA – Great news this day for emoji fans and horrifying news for emoji haters. That little smileyface icon you’ve fallen in love with using in messages has taken one step closer to formally joining the...
United Airlines Expecting Insignificant Revenue Shortfall Amidst Controversy
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United Airlines Expecting Insignificant Revenue Shortfall Amidst Controversy

April 12th, 2017 | by Nick
Louisville, KY – $36 billion in annual revenue could turn into a mere $33 billion after video of United airline staff violently re-appropriating or re-accommodating or re-moving or whatever they call what they did to...
Obama Ninja Army Fighting Climate Change
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Obama Ninja Army Fighting Climate Change

February 17th, 2017 | by Nick
Chicago, IL – It is potentially alleged that in the smoldering wake of his White House tenure, former President Obama has been using covert operations to keep the cherished climate change initiative alive. Fake News has...
Lady Gaga To Bring Performance Art Tour To Fargo
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Lady Gaga To Bring Performance Art Tour To Fargo

February 6th, 2017 | by Nick
Fresno, CA – Stage performer Lady Gaga, fresh off one of the most scintillating Super Bowl halftime show performances of the modern era, has formally announced that she will embark on a nationwide “performance...
Criss Angel To Lead US Army’s New MINDFREAK Infantry
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Criss Angel To Lead US Army’s New MINDFREAK Infantry

December 28th, 2016 | by Nick
Washington, DC – In the desolate, run-down wastelands of the Middle-East, countries are at war. People are blowing stuff up over there at an alarming rate. Blowing things up and blowing each other up and putting our...
Republican National Committee Considering Cormorant Mayor As Presidential Nominee
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Republican National Committee Considering Cormorant Mayor As Presidential Nominee

October 10th, 2016 | by Nick
Washington, DC – After a very tumultuous couple weeks, the Republican National Committee is flailing. The Donald has finally boasted himself out of public favor (for the most part–but some still want to Make America...
Republican National Committee To Replace Donald Trump With Broomstick
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Republican National Committee To Replace Donald Trump With Broomstick

October 9th, 2016 | by Nick
Washington, DC – At this hour, the Republican backpedal is spinning at over 6 million revolutions per second as the GOP scrambles to find a replacement for noted gropesmith Donald Trump.  Reince Preibus was forced to...