National

E Corp Chief Technology Officer Warns Of Possible Hack
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E Corp Chief Technology Officer Warns Of Possible Hack

September 23rd, 2016 | by Nick
New York, NY – In a coded briefing released at 12:34:56 PM yesterday, Terry Colby, the Chief Technology Officer of banking conglomerate E Corp, warned of another potential hack aimed at their users’ personal data....
Skittles Founder Responds To Newest Trump Campaign Metaphor
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Skittles Founder Responds To Newest Trump Campaign Metaphor

September 19th, 2016 | by Nick
Skittletopia, West Virginia – The founding father of one of America’s favorite candies has taken offense to this new Trump campaign musing: Shortly after Donald Trump, Jr tweeted that photo, Skittles pioneer Phictor...
Ryan Lochte Found Hiding In Swimming Pool
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Ryan Lochte Found Hiding In Swimming Pool

August 18th, 2016 | by Nick
Rochester, NY – Amidst controversy over statements made to A Polícia Brasileira, Ryan Lochte had been sought for questioning until today. With help, A Polícia Brasileira have located Lochte hiding in his favorite...
Scientists Warn: Sugarloaf Mountain Fermenting In Polluted Rio de Janeiro Bay
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Scientists Warn: Sugarloaf Mountain Fermenting In Polluted Rio de Janeiro Bay

August 3rd, 2016 | by Nick
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – Water pollution isn’t the only thing tainting the enchanting landscape of Rio de Janeiro, home of the 2016 Summer Olympics. Scientists now warn that the polluted Guanabara Bay in Rio is...
Hackers Change Pokemon Go Animals Into Satanic Demons
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Hackers Change Pokemon Go Animals Into Satanic Demons

July 14th, 2016 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – A small number of Android users have become affected by a nefarious hack into the newly-famous Pokemon Go mobile game interface. Certain pokehunters are now encountering demonic hellspawn where cute and...
FM Observer Secures Naming Rights To Hazeltine National Golf Course Outhouses
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FM Observer Secures Naming Rights To Hazeltine National Golf Course Outhouses

May 9th, 2016 | by Nick
Chaska, MN—Brands®. You can’t escape them. Nowadays, it matters where your Brand™ is and how your Brand© looks. The more places your Brand° can exist, the better. Almost every pro sport has caught on to this trend....
Puppy Monkey Baby Placed On Endangered Species List
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Puppy Monkey Baby Placed On Endangered Species List

March 21st, 2016 | by Nick
  Another unfortunate living organism has found its way onto the World Wildlife Fund’s endangered species list. Canis Homo Chimpus, or Puppy Monkey Baby as it is more affectionately known, has been given a...
Obama Threatens To Block Senate’s Block Of Supreme Court Justice Nominee
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Obama Threatens To Block Senate’s Block Of Supreme Court Justice Nominee

February 20th, 2016 | by Nick
Washington, DC – President Obama has vowed to find a qualified candidate to nominate for Supreme Court Justice. The speculation is that that candidate will be anti-anti-liberal. This does not sit well with the...
FM Observer Secures Naming Rights For Blue Post-it Notes
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FM Observer Secures Naming Rights For Blue Post-it Notes

February 3rd, 2016 | by Nick
Temecula, CA—A much-anticipated blockbuster deal has been finalized. After extensive negotiations, the FM Observer has inked a lucrative branding contract with popular sticky note manufacturer Post-It. For the next decade,...
Vin Diesel To Donate 4,000-Gallon Collection Of Distilled Tears To Flint, MI
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Vin Diesel To Donate 4,000-Gallon Collection Of Distilled Tears To Flint, MI

January 25th, 2016 | by Nick
Hollywood, CA – Contrary to what we all had thought, acclaimed movie badass and feared megaman Vin Diesel isn’t 100% ferocious.  No! Upon hearing of the Flint water crisis, he’s taken the call to donate to...