National

North Korea To Trademark New Time Zone
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North Korea To Trademark New Time Zone

August 10th, 2015 | by Nick
With news that North Korea is planning to extract itself from a time zone shared with Japan comes the apparent corporate branding of said time zone. In bold opposition to Greenwich Mean Time (GMT), North Korea will file an...
Google Robot Beats Human At Bocce Ball
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Google Robot Beats Human At Bocce Ball

May 19th, 2015 | by Nick
Signifying the rapid progression of the artificial intelligence takeover, a Google-owned ATLAS robot at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC) recently beat a human at a game of bocce ball. It not only beat the...
Al Gore Blames Chilean Volcano On Global Warming
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Al Gore Blames Chilean Volcano On Global Warming

April 23rd, 2015 | by Nick
Cupertino, CA—Famed internet inventor and climate changeologist Al Gore went on the offensive yesterday during an Earth Day event at Apple® headquarters. When news of the Chilean volcanic eruption broke, Gore equated it to a...
International Pi Day Is Here! How Are You Celebrating?
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International Pi Day Is Here! How Are You Celebrating?

March 14th, 2015 | by Nick
It’s March 14th, 2015! Did you know that this date holds significance for fans of a certain mathematical constant? 3/14/15 is International Pi Day. Those five numbers, in order, are the first five numbers of Pi (π), the...
Oceans Rising Faster Than Predicted: Millions Moving To North Dakota
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Oceans Rising Faster Than Predicted: Millions Moving To North Dakota

March 10th, 2015 | by Johnnny
Cape Cod, MA – As Global Warming continues to melt the polar ice caps down to nothing, the oceans are rising faster than originally expected. Dr. Alice Melton, who is the top scientist with Make Earth Less Troubled (MELT)...
NASA Rocket Launch Bringing Two Of Every Species To The Moon
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NASA Rocket Launch Bringing Two Of Every Species To The Moon

February 13th, 2015 | by Johnnny
Moonshine, Illinois – NASA has unveiled its new Noah’s Rocket designed to bring two of every animal species to the moon in a last-ditch effort to save the Animal Kingdom from an imminent world-wide cataclysm. N.O.A.H....
Brian Williams’ Entire Identity Now Being Questioned
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Brian Williams’ Entire Identity Now Being Questioned

February 7th, 2015 | by Johnnny
Nyork, NY – With many beginning to question the factual authenticity of a number of news stories reported by the popular NBC news anchor, some are now even looking into if his name is actually Brian Williams. Independent...
Drug Companies To Give Bill Cosby Lifetime Achievement Award
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Drug Companies To Give Bill Cosby Lifetime Achievement Award

December 30th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Shelburne, MA – Drug Companies are planning on giving funny man Bill Cosby a lifetime achievement award. “Never has one person used so many drugs on so many others over such a long period of time,” says Rolf...
Young Pigs Express Concern Upon Learning Where Bacon Comes From
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Young Pigs Express Concern Upon Learning Where Bacon Comes From

December 26th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Swineford, Pennsylvania – The Pork Industry Group (PIG) says that pigs all across this great nation are planning protest marches to raise awareness for violence against pigs. After seeing a government video depicting where...
Obama To Send All Republicans Into Outer Space
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Obama To Send All Republicans Into Outer Space

December 21st, 2014 | by Johnnny
Washington, DC – With his growing unconstitutional powers, President Obama is planning on executing another of his executive memos. This time he is plotting to ask all top Republican leaders to take a “tour” of...