Celebrity

Vin Diesel To Donate 4,000-Gallon Collection Of Distilled Tears To Flint, MI
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Vin Diesel To Donate 4,000-Gallon Collection Of Distilled Tears To Flint, MI

January 25th, 2016 | by Nick
Hollywood, CA – Contrary to what we all had thought, acclaimed movie badass and feared megaman Vin Diesel isn’t 100% ferocious.  No! Upon hearing of the Flint water crisis, he’s taken the call to donate to...
Canadian Movie Star Thonn Furbeglan To Host 2016 Maple Syrup Festival
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Canadian Movie Star Thonn Furbeglan To Host 2016 Maple Syrup Festival

January 20th, 2016 | by Nick
Edmonton, AB, Canada – The syrup world is abuzz this morning with the announcement that Canadian action film star Thonn Furbeglan will be donning the flannel stageside for this year’s Maple Syrup Cookoff Festival set...
Cenobites Denied Foreign Immigration Visa
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Cenobites Denied Foreign Immigration Visa

December 8th, 2015 | by Nick
Hell’s portal is closed…for now Hell—Due to increasing skepticism over foreign immigration, The Cenobites, aka Satan’s Minions, have been denied entry to America via Hell’s customs portal. Pinhead, the...
Woman Lists Infant Child On Ebay
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Woman Lists Infant Child On Ebay

August 27th, 2015 | by Nick
In another edition of You Can’t Make This Stuff Up (But We Did Anyway), an area mom has listed her infant son, Bemmen, as a bidding item on popular online auction site Ebay. “Kid was born in a hot air balloon,...
North Korea To Trademark New Time Zone
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North Korea To Trademark New Time Zone

August 10th, 2015 | by Nick
With news that North Korea is planning to extract itself from a time zone shared with Japan comes the apparent corporate branding of said time zone. In bold opposition to Greenwich Mean Time (GMT), North Korea will file an...
Google Robot Beats Human At Bocce Ball
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Google Robot Beats Human At Bocce Ball

May 19th, 2015 | by Nick
Signifying the rapid progression of the artificial intelligence takeover, a Google-owned ATLAS robot at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC) recently beat a human at a game of bocce ball. It not only beat the...
Al Gore Blames Chilean Volcano On Global Warming
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Al Gore Blames Chilean Volcano On Global Warming

April 23rd, 2015 | by Nick
Cupertino, CA—Famed internet inventor and climate changeologist Al Gore went on the offensive yesterday during an Earth Day event at Apple® headquarters. When news of the Chilean volcanic eruption broke, Gore equated it to a...
International Pi Day Is Here! How Are You Celebrating?
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International Pi Day Is Here! How Are You Celebrating?

March 14th, 2015 | by Nick
It’s March 14th, 2015! Did you know that this date holds significance for fans of a certain mathematical constant? 3/14/15 is International Pi Day. Those five numbers, in order, are the first five numbers of Pi (π), the...
Oceans Rising Faster Than Predicted: Millions Moving To North Dakota
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Oceans Rising Faster Than Predicted: Millions Moving To North Dakota

March 10th, 2015 | by Johnnny
Cape Cod, MA – As Global Warming continues to melt the polar ice caps down to nothing, the oceans are rising faster than originally expected. Dr. Alice Melton, who is the top scientist with Make Earth Less Troubled (MELT)...
NASA Rocket Launch Bringing Two Of Every Species To The Moon
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NASA Rocket Launch Bringing Two Of Every Species To The Moon

February 13th, 2015 | by Johnnny
Moonshine, Illinois – NASA has unveiled its new Noah’s Rocket designed to bring two of every animal species to the moon in a last-ditch effort to save the Animal Kingdom from an imminent world-wide cataclysm. N.O.A.H....