Cenobites Denied Foreign Immigration Visa

December 8th, 2015 | by Nick
Hellraiser 10: Hell Is War

Not so fast, foreigners.

Hell’s portal is closed…for now

Hell—Due to increasing skepticism over foreign immigration, The Cenobites, aka Satan’s Minions, have been denied entry to America via Hell’s customs portal.

Pinhead, the leader of the Cenobites, voiced discontent over these new restrictions. “HELL HATH BEEN TORN BY WAR. WE, THE CENOBITES, SEEK REFUGEE STATUS VIA YOUR COVETED J-4 VISA. HOWEVER, DUE TO A NEW VETTING PROCESS IMPLEMENTED BY YOUR DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY, WE MUST PROVE OURSELVES WORTHY OF PASTURE. IN THE NAME OF LUCIFER IN THE HIGHEST, WE SHALL ULTIMATELY, WITHIN THE CONFINES OF ELIGIBILITY, OBTAIN RESETTLEMENT AND ONCE AGAIN TORMENT THE SOULS OF EARTH’S MORTALS.”

Filming for the tenth Hellraiser movie Hellraiser X: Hell Is War is on hold until the Cenobites can prove that they’re merely harbingers of Hell’s circus of agony and not moderate Muslims.


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Nick

Co-Founder at FM Observer
Interstrapolating condectistic devariance via opentasmic protensive mindopathy.