Algore’s Climate Reality Project being tested in Fargo, North Dakota.
Fargo, ND – If you notice some major swings in temperature, humidity, and weather happenings around Fargo-Moorhead in the next few years, it will most likely be related to Algore.
His new Climate Reality Project is being tested in Fargo, North Dakota because of the “relatively sparse rural population” and its “geo-centrical location on our sick continent.”
Algore: “For all you folks up there in Fargo, North Dakota…so now, if you experience some major gyrations in temperature and weather in general, please report it to my Climate Reality Project team for documentational purposes.”
Previously, Algore used Denver, Colorado as an example of a larger metropolitan area where Algore personally got Denver’s average high temperature during the month of August up to a steamy 90°F.
West Fargo, ND – If a new couple has just moved into your neighborhood, within the first two weeks after they’ve arrived, you should definitely show up unannounced at their front door during normal visiting hours, with a few nice house-warming presents.
This will not only satisfy all your curiosities about what your new neighbors are like, but will also allow them to get a good first impression of you and some of your idiosyncrasies.
Showing up without any sort of present is very gauche! Because you are expecting your new neighbors to invite you in for snacks and coffee or beer, having some sort of gift is certainly mandatory.
Specifically for the Fargo and West Fargo area, here are some great ideas for good house-warming gifts:
☺ A Trump-scented candle to make America smell great again
☺ Any animal about to be euthanized at the Humane Society
☺ A list of all your phone numbers and email addresses
☺ A box of doggy treats for canine family members
☺ A partially redacted copy of the Mueller Report
☺ A variety pack of different colored duct tapes
☺ A framed autographed picture of yourself
☺ An extra-large (unopened) bottle of booze
☺ An old Bible from any second-hand store
☺ A living, breeding pair of Sugar Gliders
☺ A brand new submersible sump pump
☺ A few of your favorite hotdish recipes
☺ Season tickets to Bison football
☺ Any Michael Bolton CDs
☺ A few memory lanterns
The goose population is arguing amongst themselves as to which direction to fly.
Goose Village, Nebraska – Wildlife biologists are noticing confusion amongst the migrating goose population.
Professional bird watchers are observing that migrating geese seem “very confused” as to which direction to fly for their annual migration to Spring break.
Biologist Sue Coons-Fodge says: “We believe that the combination of Global Warming and Global Cooling is creating a major bombogenesis which is causing some serious disorientation for these poor little geese.”
Sue goes on: “Hopefully they’ll get it all figured out in time to travel North, where they can party, and have sex, in order to hatch more future confusion.”
Predictably, all the letters in Sue Coons-Fodge can migrate into: Confused Goose!
West Fargo, ND – After a comprehensive state-wide survey, your FM Observer has painstakingly compiled a list of things for which North Dakotans have to be thankful.
So, as you gather round your Thanksgiving dinner table and first go around the table to say what each one is thankful for, you can either memorize some of the following, or simply take out your smartphone and read this list straight off our website.
Things To Be Thankful For If You Live In North Dakota:
1. An upcoming Bison football championship 2. Sanford’s New Level I Trauma Center 3. Our state is a Tsunami-free zone 4. The fabulous Medora Musical 5. That Canada is our neighbor 6. Jamestown’s State Hospital 7. Happy Harry’s Bottle Shop 8. Too Tall Tom Szymanski 9. We’re not South Dakota 10. Horizontal Fracking 11. Global Warming 12. NFL Football 13. Legalize ND 14. The Ralph 15. Cara Mund
Have some fun by re-arranging all the letters in “Bitter Snowfall” to spell out: Winter Softball!
Fargo, ND – Organizers of Fargo’s Winter Softball League are seeking those who would brave the elements to do some recreating outdoors during months normally spent hibernating indoors.
Birton Westfall and Walston Filbert, who both grew up in Norway, are co-organizing Fargo’s Winter Softball League.
Birton Westfall says it is a wonderful chance to breathe the wild air and bring some beer to share. “Hopefully winter softball leagues will increase in popularity as Global Warming makes winters more bearable up here in North Dakota.”
Walston Filbert admits one does need to dress for success when playing in a winter softball league. “We remind players of the old Norwegian proverb: There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.”
They also like to point out that “Winter Softball” is simply another arrangement of the letters in “Bitter Snowfall”.
If you would like to bravely sign up for Fargo’s Winter Softball League, then boldly step up to the plate by calling or texting either Birton Westfall or Walston Filbert, whose names can both be re-arranged to spell: Winter Softball!
Indian Summer is one last chance to enjoy summer and prepare for winter.
Summerset, SD – It’s what many in our area have long been waiting and hoping for, and now it’s finally arriving: Indian Summer!
For any employed workers who are lucky enough to have some extra vacation days, it’s a chance to get some final sun on one’s face while perhaps sipping an adult beverage out on the deck.
After we’ve already had a killing frost (and a winter storm), it’s one final time to breathe the last of the warm summer air before heading into the long and dark cold winter months.
The old politically incorrect name for it is Indian Summer while the new hip PC term is now Global Warming.
Indian Summer originally got its name from an old 1919 song by Victor Herbert which helped remind the Indians to get out and add some extra layers of warmth to the outside of their teepees while doing their good-bye dance to summer and happily celebrating a temporary postponement of winter.
Today, it’s more of a chance to tidy up the hoses, get down the snow shovels, put up your Christmas lights, and for street crews to quickly finish up all those road construction projects.
Lizarda, Brazil – While in South America giving speeches about Global Warming, Algore has reportedly begun changing into what appears to be a reptile.
Local Brazilian newspapers are now referring to the Climate Change expert as “Homem Lagarto” (Lizard Man).
Some believe that the warmer climate is changing the former vice president into a reptilian human lizard while others think he may have been bitten by a rabid lizard during a jungle camping expedition into the Amazon rain forest.
The speeding up of Global Spinning could have some seriously bad consequences.
Spinnerville, NY – Governmental experts are now warning inhabitants of Earth that the spinning of our planet is really speeding up.
Algore, who seems to be the most expert expert on this impotent issue, is predicting that this increase in speed of Earth’s rotation on its axis is caused by Man (mainly in the United States) and he believes that we’all should be heavily taxed so that governmental workers can try to fix the problem.
“Global Spinning is a very, very serious problem which could send some people and animals flying right off the planet and straight into outer space,” says Algore.
How do you feel about the problem of Global Spinning, or don’t you care? What would you do if you suddenly flew off the Earth because it’s spinning too fast? Would you pay more in taxes so your government can wisely spend that money to slow down the spinning of the Earth? Would you be willing to join the Space Force? How much can you bench press right now?