Tag Archives: global mooning

Fargo ND Being Used As Test Site By Algore For Global Warming

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Algore’s Climate Reality Project being tested in Fargo, North Dakota.

Fargo, ND – If you notice some major swings in temperature, humidity, and weather happenings around Fargo-Moorhead in the next few years, it will most likely be related to Algore.

His new Climate Reality Project is being tested in Fargo, North Dakota because of the “relatively sparse rural population” and its “geo-centrical location on our sick continent.”

Algore: “For all you folks up there in Fargo, North Dakota…so now, if you experience some major gyrations in temperature and weather in general, please report it to my Climate Reality Project team for documentational purposes.”

Previously, Algore used Denver, Colorado as an example of a larger metropolitan area where Algore personally got Denver’s average high temperature during the month of August up to a steamy 90°F.

Virginia Governor Ralph Northam Being Pressured To Do The Moonwalk

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Dance like Mike

Richmond, Virginia – After boasting that he won a dance contest in the 1980s by doing Michael Jackson’s famous moonwalk, leading Democratix are calling on Virginia’s governor Northam to do the moonwalk.

“We believe if his Excellency can indeed do the moonwalk like Michael Jackson, this will give some major credence to his nutcase that he can dance good enough to win a dance contest.”

Expert pundits agree across the board that if verificational veracity in the tangible form of an actual moonwalk performance by The Honorable Governor Ralph Northam is witnessed by all on live TV, then the rest of his cockamamy story may be true, so help him God.

Virginia’s Lieutenant Governor: “It is time to not just talk the talk, but rather we believe it is time for Ralph Northam to walk the walk, and in this particular case, we talkin’ the Moonwalk!”

Space Farce Soon Recruiting Members In Fargo

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Welcome to Space Farce: The future beckons you to join up.

Force, Pennsylvania – What do you get if you combine the military with the future? The answer is: President Trump’s new Space Farce!

Have you been wanting to get away from home and go see the universe? Then consider joining Space Farce!

Are you a nobody who wishes you could someday become a major somebody? Then ponder joining Space Farce!

When you look up at the stars, do you wish others would look up to you like you’re a star? Then join Space Farce!

Do you feel like you were perhaps born to shoot laser guns at others way out in space, while doing the space walk, all while wearing adult diapers? Join Space Farce!

Is 6 your favorite number? Then it is time you join the 6th branch of the military: Space Farce!

Global Warming Changing Algore Into A Reptile

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Algore is now becoming Lizard Man!?

Lizarda, Brazil – While in South America giving speeches about Global Warming, Algore has reportedly begun changing into what appears to be a reptile.

Local Brazilian newspapers are now referring to the Climate Change expert as “Homem Lagarto” (Lizard Man).

Some believe that the warmer climate is changing the former vice president into a reptilian human lizard while others think he may have been bitten by a rabid lizard during a jungle camping expedition into the Amazon rain forest.

What do you think about this?

Do you believe in Herpetology?

Are you for or against Global Warming?

Where do you see yourself in 100 years?

Are you willing to fight for peace?

Global Spinning Is Increasing In Speed; Is It Too Late To Try And Put The Brakes On?

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The speeding up of Global Spinning could have some seriously bad consequences.

Spinnerville, NY – Governmental experts are now warning inhabitants of Earth that the spinning of our planet is really speeding up.

Algore, who seems to be the most expert expert on this impotent issue, is predicting that this increase in speed of Earth’s rotation on its axis is caused by Man (mainly in the United States) and he believes that we’all should be heavily taxed so that governmental workers can try to fix the problem.

“Global Spinning is a very, very serious problem which could send some people and animals flying right off the planet and straight into outer space,” says Algore.

How do you feel about the problem of Global Spinning, or don’t you care? What would you do if you suddenly flew off the Earth because it’s spinning too fast? Would you pay more in taxes so your government can wisely spend that money to slow down the spinning of the Earth? Would you be willing to join the Space Force? How much can you bench press right now?

Area Marshes Getting Really Bogged Down

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Experts all agree that people in the future will fight over any dry land that still exists.

Wetonka, SD – With the sudden gradual onset of Global Wetting, marshlands in our area are beginning to get really bogged down.

“These low-lying wetlands are becoming so darned waterlogged that some are now being categorized as Level III marshy quagmires,” says Pete Bogg, executive director of The War On Wetlands.

Climatologists believe that with the additional rain expected to fall over the next 100 years, the Dakotas will be very similar to a giant bowl of swampy vegetable soup, with no dry land to drink beer on.

“I don’t want to cause a mass panic, but just imagine having extremely wet socks…for the rest of your life, and then multiply that times infinity,” warns Pete Bogg, as he sips his dry martini while reaching for another Xanax.

Hurricane Limbaugh Set To Wreak Havoc On Liberal Media

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Hurricane Limbaugh has its eye on the mainstream media.

Palm Beach, FL – After Rush Limbaugh suggested that Hurricane Irma is merely a liberal hoax, Hurricane Limbaugh suddenly popped up in its place and is expected to stir things up on the mainland.

Obviously caused by climate change, which is caused by global warming, which is caused by fracking, Hurricane Limbaugh is on track to make landfall in the Palm Beach area, right where the Doctor of Democracy has his home base.

Hurricane Limbaugh is expected to wreak major havoc, just as Rush has been doing with his strong-winded criticisms of liberal ‘Democratics’ for three long decades.

Characteristics of Hurricane Limbaugh include: Very low pressure, an expansively large circulation, a calm and warm center, a strong force going outward in all directions, and many topical disturbances on a daily basis.

Solar Eclipse Cancelled As Some Find It To Be Offensive

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Since it’s a religious experience to some, others find solar eclipse to be offensive to their beliefs.

Sunbeam, Idaho – So as to not be offensive to people of certain religious beliefs, the solar eclipse has been cancelled by federal and state authorities.

While statues of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are being pulled down because of their political incorrectness, the once-in-a-lifetime solar eclipse has now been cancelled after a number of religious leaders cried foul.

One politician wearing a Donald Trump mask in order to remain anonymous explained that by officially cancelling the solar eclipse, his chances of getting re-elected next year might improve with the voters in his district.

So, for all of you who purchased special glasses from Amazon for watching the solar eclipse, it’s not too late to return those via drone.

Now that the eclipse has officially been cancelled, this will give the country more time to tear down more monuments to our offensive past such as the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument. Oh, and Mount Rushmore, you can run but you can’t hide, because they’re coming for you too.

Global Warming Causing Ice To Become The New Currency

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“The official melting point of ice just got a little warmer.” –Algore

Meltonville, Iowa – Due to increasingly increasing high and low temperatures throughout the Upper Midwest region, unmelted ice is beginning to become the new currency in this post-Global Warming economy.

Based on his own scientific research, Dr. Gil McIntee strongly believes that people will soon be paying for all their basic survivalistic-type items with unmelted ice.

Dr. Gil McIntee in his own words: “It is entirely feasible that ice will be the new gold just as hot will be the new cold.”

Many are already seeing the ice price begin to shoot up like junkies at a needlepoint class and starting to skyrocket as if being launched from the North Korean peninsula.

Ironically, all of the letters in Gil McIntee can somehow be re-arranged to also spell: Melting Ice!

Montana Earthquake Either Caused By Global Fracking Or Payback For Unabomber

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Lincoln, Montana: Home of the infamous Unabomber gets punished with a strong 5.8 Earthquake.

Lincoln, MT – Experts are divided on what exactly caused the rare 5.8 earthquake that recently struck western Montana.

One school of thought is that Global Fracking was the cause of the quake.

“All those fracking oil drillers are upsetting Mother Earth who doesn’t like horizontal holes being drilled through her upper crust,” opined long-time resident Miryam Bravenboer.

Others strongly believe it was simply payback for Lincoln, Montana having been the home of The Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski.

Either way, this earthquake was felt far and wide, along with hours of seismic aftershocks which knocked over beers in pubs and rocked older bears with cubs.

How do you feel about earthquakes?
Are you an anti-fracker?
Do you remember The Unabomber?
How much can you bench press?
When was the last time you sent a postcard?