Old Man Hubbard

Helena, Montana – On this day in history, a veterinarian named James W. Hubbard (just call me “Jim”) would meet the love of his life, one young Philena “Jane” Potter.

Jim and Jane would then, soon after, adopt a young boy named Henry August Wilson, who would later change his legal name to Harry Ross Hubbard.

Harry, while working for the military in Nebraska, one day met a lovely teacher named Miss Ledora May Waterbury.

Together they had a boy whom they named Lafayette Ronald Hubbard. As a youngster, Lafayette loved spending time reading cheap fiction and visiting his grandfather back in big sky Montana.

While looking up at all the stars on Saturday nights, Grandpa Jim would make up crazy stories for young Lafayette about aliens from other planets while sitting around a campfire, smoking a peace pipe with their blood-brother Blackfeet Native American friends.

The next morning, the Hubbard family would all attend church together while young Lafayette was still stoned from smoking the Blackfoot peace pipe. Every time the pastor, who had a bad lisp, would thay the word “Satan“, young stoned Lafayette thought he was thaying the word “Thetan“.

When he grew up into a man, Lafayette Ronald Hubbard would go on to write a book about all of his grandfather’s kooky stories, and turn it into the largest, successful, fake-religious cult in the history of mankind, and call it Scientology. And now you know, the rest of the story!