Sunbeam, Idaho – So as to not be offensive to people of certain religious beliefs, the solar eclipse has been cancelled by federal and state authorities.
While statues of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are being pulled down because of their political incorrectness, the once-in-a-lifetime solar eclipse has now been cancelled after a number of religious leaders cried foul.
One politician wearing a Donald Trump mask in order to remain anonymous explained that by officially cancelling the solar eclipse, his chances of getting re-elected next year might improve with the voters in his district.
So, for all of you who purchased special glasses from Amazon for watching the solar eclipse, it’s not too late to return those via drone.
Now that the eclipse has officially been cancelled, this will give the country more time to tear down more monuments to our offensive past such as the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument. Oh, and Mount Rushmore, you can run but you can’t hide, because they’re coming for you too.